I Was Almost 50 When I Realized Other Women Masturbated

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I was almost 50 when I realized I wasn’t the only woman who masturbated. A friend and I were discussing our writing when she said, “the chapter I was working on made me so hot I had to go upstairs and masturbate.”

I almost fell off my chair. I had never heard anyone talk about masturbation before. 

I can’t remember when I learned the word, or what it meant, but I know that I’ve always enjoyed the sensation that touching my vagina gave me. However, it was something I did secretly. And because I’d never heard it talked about before, I thought I was the only one who did it.

Although it was pleasurable, no matter how hard I rubbed or touched myself, I never felt as though it was enough. Talk about frustrating. But that changed for me in the 1960s when I was 18. I found a book about sex, and I learned about the clitoris and where it was located. Eureka. I had my first orgasm.

At that time, a majority of women were potentially taught that sex was something to be put up with, for their husbands’ sakes and for the sake of reproduction. We were not told that we could have sex for our own pleasure. So, when I learned that the only purpose of this tiny nub of flesh at the top of my vulva was to bring me sexual gratification, I kept this knowledge to myself and enjoyed my orgasms.

I wanted to talk about it with friends, but most, like in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes, could barely look at that part of their body in a mirror, much less talk about it.

On the lazy side and always wanting efficiency, I eventually bought a vibrator. I chose a magic wand because it looked most like the kind of vibrator you might use for aching muscles and not like a sex toy. Still, I kept it wrapped up and in a box on the top shelf of my closet. Whenever I wanted to use it, I debated whether it was worth the effort of getting out of my warm bed and climbing up on a chair to retrieve it. When I did use it, I felt satisfied and wanted to roll over and go to sleep, but then I’d think, what if I died and someone came into my room and saw it? So, I would get up and return it to its shelf. By the time I did, I was wide awake.

Eventually I did move it into my night table drawer. But that still meant getting out of bed to plug it in — that was before the new variety came with a cordless, multi-function variable-speed or had a soft silicone head and an ultra-powerful motor for deep, rumbling, muscle-relaxing vibrations.

It all sounded like too much to me, so I decided to love my original magic wand. It still uses a plug. But now I keep it plugged in all the time. And I no longer care that the cord hangs out of my night table drawer.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, “masturbation is a normal, healthy part of your sexual development. It involves the use of your hands, fingers, sex toys or other objects to stimulate your genitals and other sensitive areas of your body for sexual pleasure. Masturbation has many documented health benefits. It may reduce stress, improve sleep and ease pain, among other benefits.” So why is it that while vibrators are talked about, masturbation, the thing they are most used for, is still a little-discussed topic?