Make Social Connections Without Technology

“Most people can be approachable and get a conversation going, but they get stuck on how to turn it into something meaningful,” says offline dating expert Camille Virginia. She recommends these five steps.

1. Use open-ended questions. “What’s the best part of your day so far?” is an easy one. If you’re feeling secure, try “What was your first impression of me?” or “How can I be a better friend to you?”

2. Give space for silence. “It might be awkward at first, but if you’ve asked a great question, someone is probably just thinking of a response,” Virginia says. “If you jump in and cut them off, they’re not going to feel comfortable opening up.”

3. Really listen. “This is probably the most important aspect — listen like your life depends on it,” Virginia emphasizes. Picture yourself in the shoes of your conversation partner and ask clarifying questions along the way. “It keeps you engaged and makes the other person feel that what they’re saying matters.”

4. Release judgment. As soon as you notice judgment, try to channel it into a compliment, compassion or curiosity, Virginia says. If a coworker wins an award and sparks jealousy, for example, offer sincere congratulations or think about what that person might have had to sacrifice to earn that accomplishment.

5. Share insights and stories. Contribute to the conversation as well. That might include observations from an earlier visit to the dog park, wondering about the breed of a particular dog, then mentioning that you miss having a dog. Let thoughts meander back and forth.

Keep it short if you need to

Picking up the phone just to say hello — even for a quick exchange — can make someone’s day. Say up front that you have only a minute to spare but that you felt the urge to reach out.

Similarly, if you’re running errands and pass the house of someone you know, stop by for a quick front-door greeting. No need to go inside — you weren’t expected, after all, so you don’t want to cause anxiety over housekeeping standards.

Volunteer when you can

Contact an area agency on aging or visit AARP’s volunteer site for opportunities or to volunteer as a driver and companion — otherwise known as a wellness ambassador — so seniors are less alone.

USAging’s Markwood points to the Friendly Volunteer program, part of the Aroostook Agency on Aging in Maine, as a model. Trained volunteers are matched with those who need assistance getting to important appointments and the grocery store, or who would just like company for lunch or games.

Smile more often

We all have mirror neurons, which are brain cells that react when we observe the actions of others. They’re why we feel tears well up when we see someone we care about cry, or why we wince when we see someone get hurt.

Because those neurons fire when we see someone smile, we should make that happen for other people more often, says podcaster McLellan. “We’ve been talking about contagion for the last three years with COVID,” he adds. “Think about the contagion of a smile. There are so many opportunities to do that with people behind a desk, at a register, on the road. Make it genuine.”

Be vulnerable with others

If you’re lonely — which is different from simply being alone — it’s likely someone living close to you is also lonely, Manly says. Try reaching out and being honest about how you’re feeling in the hope of creating a connection.

New York Times best-selling self-help author and blogger Mark Manson advises practicing the opposite of bragging to gain points with others. He writes: “When someone openly admits they really suck at something, you’ll probably end up respecting them more for it (as long as they’re not too desperate about it, of course).”

Adds Manly: “We often are afraid of being vulnerable, but one of the greatest acts of kindness you could ever do for yourself, and for somebody else, is to say, ‘I’m feeling lonely. I would like to connect.’ ”​ ​

Editor's note: This article was originally published on January 13, 2022. It has been updated to reflect new information.