Are Birthday Cards That Mock Aging Getting Old?

Messaging matters more than we think, some experts say

If you look around, you’ll see plenty of older people who are vibrant and productive. Mick Jagger is 80. Kathy Ireland is 61. Lisa Ling is 50. Morgan Freeman turns 87 on June 1. But we are surrounded by photos, cartoons, TV shows, ads and, yes, birthday cards that promote negative stereotypes in which age equals depression, decay, incontinence and frailty, Breindel says. 

Birthday cards may seem trivial, but they are a simple, relatable way to help people start to notice the way ageism infiltrates our lives.

“The thing about birthdays, it touches everybody,” says Dave Martin, cofounder of Better Birthdays, an organization that raises awareness about the ageism surrounding birthdays for older adults. “If we can get a conversation going around a birthday card, that’s where we think change is more likely.”

Snarky cards can be hazardous to your health

More than two decades of studies by psychologist Becca Levy of the Yale School of Public Health, author of Breaking the Age Code, reveal that the negative age beliefs people absorb from their culture can diminish their heart health, physical strength and even their life expectancy. In an oft-cited Levy study, people with positive self-perceptions about getting older lived 7.5 years longer on average than their counterparts with gloomier assessments of aging. A more recent study by Levy and colleagues from 2018 finds that positive age beliefs may also protect against dementia.

People absorb negative age stereotypes unconsciously, Levy says. And these messages, including the ones in birthday cards, can “get into our bodies, under our skin,” as she puts it, in various ways. “The flip side,” Levy says, “is that positive messages about age, and positive age beliefs, can have beneficial impacts on the same health outcomes.”

But some say we need to lighten up — it’s just a bit of fun

Andrew Fegler is the owner and creator of That’s So Andrew greeting cards, a provocative collection that includes birthday cards sold in more than 2,000 stores worldwide (including Spencer’s and Barnes & Noble) and on Etsy with messages such as “How to find out if you’re old: First, fall down. If people laugh, you’re young. If people panic, you’re old,” and “Well, look at you! I thought you would have kicked the bucket by now!”

Fegler says he thinks it’s healthy to laugh, whether at others or at oneself. “I like to poke fun at things,” he says. “And I think making fun of someone’s age is just kind of a fun thing to do. I feel like age is a mental concept anyway, so if you’re not being malicious about it, then what’s the beef?”

That said, Fegler respects the trend toward age-positive cards and feels like there is room for everyone in the card market, since it really comes down to you picking a card for a specific individual. “Some people do humor, and some people do sincerity and soft and sweet,” he says. “My cards aren’t for everyone, but they’re for someone. And that someone is who I’m going for.”

How do you find the line between fun and derogatory?

Cards such as those with Hallmark’s grouchy Maxine, with her bunny slippers and sarcastic quips (“Birthdays are like cheap underwear, they keep creeping up on you”), are top sellers for the multibillion-dollar U.S. greeting card industry, so they aren’t going away anytime soon. In a statement to AARP, Hallmark said it does have age-positive cards and is shifting its focus to a tone that “aligns with what people want to feel today — thankful, appreciative, wise and accomplished to be ‘getting older.’  ”

The value of the new age-positive cards, advocates say, is that they give consumers a choice. But how do you choose?

Teasing can be fine, but keep it light. Cards that mock aging can be a lighthearted way to commiserate with peers. “Amongst some friends, a little teasing might be fun,” says Schwartz, who hosts the Paper Fold podcast. “We certainly don’t want to censor anyone.”

Martin quips that there should be a “decency sleeve” for ageist cards, like the ones on porn magazines, “so you can enjoy it in the privacy of your own home, but you put [the sleeve] back on if it’s going to be in a public place.”

Consider the person receiving the card. The trick to choosing the right birthday card is to make sure both visuals and message align with the recipient, industry experts say. “What sorts of things do they like? What interests them?” Burton says.

Whether the card is sarcastic or uplifting, don’t choose it simply because it appeals to you. Think about how the person you’re buying it for will respond. “It’s not about you, the card sender,” Schwartz says. “It’s really about celebrating a person and making the occasion a happy one for them.”

Keep it birthday positive. Along with the debut of explicitly anti-ageist cards, Schwartz sees a growing industry trend toward embracing “milestone” birthdays — 60, 70 and 80. She recently saw a card for a 100th birthday that was a drawing of a woman wearing a halo of flowers. “It was just the most upbeat and artisanal thing,” she says. “The approach now is to make them a celebration of life and get away from the over-the-hill, one-foot-in-the-grave messaging.”

Cards can be a powerful vehicle for social change, Schwartz says. “Sending a birthday card to someone over 55 and telling them they’re so beautiful can be a very transformative, powerful act,” she says. “If the person starts thinking about themselves differently, well, who knows what ripples can come from that?”