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‘Golden Bachelorette’ Joan Vassos, 61: ‘I Feel Like I Had the Best Gift in the World’

The reality show star talks later-in-life romance and reports ‘I’m not going to move’ to be with her man


VIDEO: The First 'Golden Bachelorette' Gets Real About Looking for Love

Is there anything weirder than trying to find love on a reality TV show? Probably, but it’s still awfully strange — yet when we recently spoke with Joan Vassos, 61, the star of the new reality show The Golden Bachelorette, she seemed as normal and nice as they come.

A school administrator from Rockville, Maryland, Vassos was the fans’ pick for the titular role on The Golden Bachelorette — a spinoff of ABC’s hugely popular series The Bachelor and The Bachelorette featuring older singles (premiering on Wednesday, Sept. 18, at 8 p.m. ET on ABC; streaming on Hulu the next night). She’d made an impression as one of 22 contenders on the first season of The Golden Bachelor vying for the affections of Indiana retiree and pickleball fan Gerry Turner, 72. Alas, he ended up getting divorced from his top pick, Theresa Nist, 71, a few months after their nationally televised wedding last January. Oops.

It may have been fortuitous, then, that Vassos left the show mid-season, pulled homeward to help her ailing daughter (Vassos has four children and three grandchildren). It was a loving, family-first move that made viewers fall even harder for the tall, gorgeous blonde who’d lost her adored husband of 32 years, John, to pancreatic cancer in 2021.

We talked with Vassos before the show’s premiere, where viewers can see her meeting 24 eligible bachelors, ranging in age from 57 to 69, each peacocking for her attention during a looong cocktail party. Then she’s tasked with winnowing down the group at the first sifting-the-chaff rose ceremony, where those given a red rose can stay and the rejected rest have to say their goodbyes.

Weird? Yes. A better way to meet Mr. Right than using a dating app? Absolutely, says Vassos, who explains why in our discussion below.

spinner image The Golden Bachelorette Joan Vassos holding a golden rose while leaning against a wall
Brian Bowen Smith/Disney

What are some misconceptions about older people and dating and love that you hope the show can dispel?

So I had this notion for a while — and I got over it, but it kind of prevented me from really pursuing a relationship — that people our age are supposed to kind of take a back seat to the next generation and be in a support role. So we’re supposed to help with the grandkids — and our jobs are winding down — and we should be there to help them build this next generation. And when you’re looking for a relationship, you know it’s going to be hard to have both, and that possibly you’re being a little selfish by seeking another life to have outside of this one. It took me a little while to realize that wasn’t true. I feel like I still have a lot of years left to live, and I still support the next generation, but I’m not going to be your babysitter every night.

What would you say to other older single people who may have given up on love?

If you’re 70, if you’re 80, if you still feel like you want to live your life and you want to have something outside of that support role, give it a try. What do you have to lose? You work really hard to have these rich lives by the time you’re our age — by the time you’re getting AARP The Magazine in your mailbox — and life is just more fun when you get to share it with somebody. So if you want that, you should go out and get it.

You must have been looking for different qualities in a man now, compared to when you were in your 20s. What were they?

Yeah, way different. In my 20s, I was looking for somebody who I could build a life with, that I would want to have kids with. Then the icing on the cake is that you get your kids all raised, and you have a great time doing that, and then you get to be a couple again. And John passed away when my fourth child was in college — right when we were about to enter those really cool golden years. My future just became this black hole, and so [on the show] I was looking for somebody to help fill that black hole. I wanted somebody who’s ready for some adventure, who’s going to be fun and have the same zest for life that I still have.

How did it feel to be the person with all the choices after being one of many women vying for one guy?

Totally different, honestly. When I was on Gerry’s season, you could kind of fade in the background. I am a naturally shy person, so I stood in the back with a couple of the other women that were on the shier side. When you’re the main person, there is no hiding. You are part of everything, uncomfortable or not. And then you also have the responsibility for people’s feelings, and that is hard. I knew I could cope with my feelings if I was sent home, but to hurt somebody else’s feelings is a lot harder for me.

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spinner image The 24 men of The Golden Bachelorette
Ricky Middlesworth/Disney

What was it like, sending guys home?

I hated that. I felt really uncomfortable, and that was the hardest part of this whole journey. Rose ceremonies were really, really hard. I didn’t want to hurt these people’s feelings. They give up a lot to be on this show, and I didn’t want anybody to leave feeling badly about it.

We learned something from The Golden Bachelor — that older people put great importance on where they live and being near their children. So did you make sure you were on the same page on where you’d live while you were getting to know these guys?

I have a completely different view about that than most people. I think it’s fine to want to stay where you are. I’m not going to move. Most people this age have multigenerational responsibilities. I have a 92-year-old mother. I have an 86-year-old mother-in-law. I have kids and I have grandkids. So me moving would be very selfish and also very hard for me. They are my support system as much as I’m their support system. So I don’t want to leave them. I love my family. I love being able to see my grandkids all the time. And I worked hard to build great friendships, and I love where I live.

Cool, but what about the guy?

I want a guy exactly like that. I want a guy who loves his family, puts them first, has a lot of friends, has worked hard to build a really great life. And I think we could have a lot of fun living in each other’s lives instead of trying to merge those lives. If I get to go to wherever he lives and do the fun things that he has planned and meet his fun friends, and he does the same thing in mine, we get to have the best of both worlds. I get to have two fun lives, and then eventually, if they merge at some time when it’s right for both families, then you do. But if you don’t, you don’t. You still get to be with the person — you just do it in a different way. It requires effort, but I don’t think it’s a negative. I think it’s a positive, honestly.

What do you say to the many, many people who say that a reality show is a not-great way to meet the love of your life?

Well, those are people that haven’t gone out and tried to date. Because, let me tell you, that is no easier. I thought that I would have friends that would set me up with guys, and that was not true. They said, “Oh, I don’t have guys that you’re going to like” or “I don’t know anybody single.” And then meeting somebody organically, like out at a restaurant or at a wedding or at a wine tasting or wherever — guess what? That doesn’t happen either. And then there’s dating apps, and those are like having a job — you have to spend half your day texting back and forth to men you don’t really know, and a lot of them are less than truthful in their profiles. So I feel like I had the best gift in the world that I got to come and meet 24 men that had been selected for me. I think this is a great way to meet somebody. I think it actually works for a lot of people.

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