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25 Gen X Movies That Explain All of My Relationship Problems
Films like ‘Dirty Dancing,’ ‘High Fidelity’ and ‘Reality Bites’ gave us terrible advice, but we still love them
The films that taught us how to fall in love and immediately screw it up.
Everett Collection (6)
I don’t know why I thought rewatching Kevin Smith’s Chasing Amy again would be a good idea, especially right before Valentine’s Day. Back in 1997, I thought the movie was smart and sexy and irreverent, the kind of romantic comedy that made you feel clever just for liking it.
Watching it now through a 56-year-old’s eyes, I’m stunned that I was ever impressed by these doofuses. They mostly sit around delivering endless monologues about how women don’t understand them. Ben Affleck is smug and weepy, and his big romantic gesture is offering to have a threesome with his girlfriend and best friend. (“It’ll be cathartic,” he says with a straight face.)
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If Valentine’s Day has always felt weirdly stressful or vaguely fraudulent, this might be why. The movies we watched growing up didn’t just entertain us, they trained us. Honestly, it’s a miracle I managed to convince anyone to marry me, what with those cinematic role models rattling around in my head. We like to joke about all the useless stuff we learned in high school, like Latin, cursive and the Dewey decimal system. But it’s the movies that really messed us up.
Here are 25 other films that defined us as Gen Xers, and the misguided lessons in love they imparted to us.
Say Anything… (1989)
Terrible love lesson: When she says “no,” maybe what she really means is “show up uninvited outside my house and blast Peter Gabriel from a boom box until I change my mind.”
“Singles” taught us that if you bring a guitar everywhere and dress like laundry day is a lifestyle, emotional availability is optional.
Warner Bros./Courtesy Everett Collection
Singles (1992)
Terrible love lesson: Be a jerk, but a jerk with a soul patch.
“Reality Bites” taught us that Ethan Hawke could hurt Winona Ryder’s feelings repeatedly and still be framed as the right choice.
Universal/Courtesy Everett Collection
Reality Bites (1994)
Terrible love lesson: Flirt using passive-aggressive pop-culture references while chain-smoking Camel Straights.
The Breakfast Club (1985)
Terrible love lesson: The girl you’re attracted to will instantly transform into somebody completely different if you just pressure her enough. Also, a makeover involving a headband is basically marriage material.
St. Elmo’s Fire (1985)
Terrible love lesson: Despite your many flaws — not having a job, cheating on her, never meeting a shirt collar he wouldn’t pop — she’ll overlook it if you’re always carrying a saxophone.
High Fidelity (2000)
Terrible love lesson: She may seem annoyed by your particular interests, but she secretly finds them charming.
“Dirty Dancing” proved that a healthy relationship requires Olympic-level upper-body strength.
Vestron Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection
Dirty Dancing (1987)
Terrible love lesson: The foundation of a healthy relationship is your ability to catch and support her entire body weight if she suddenly leaps at you.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)
Terrible love lesson: Romantic gestures are best performed in pool houses owned by other people’s parents.
Empire Records (1995)
Terrible love lesson: If getting into a fistfight at work doesn’t impress her, quit your job to become an artist. Women love guys with unrealistic dreams and no income.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)
Terrible love lesson: It’s OK to tell elaborate lies to pretty much everyone as long as those lies directly benefit her.
Pretty in Pink (1986)
Terrible love lesson: When forced to choose between a kind, emotionally available guy who genuinely cares about you and a wealthy jerk who ignored you until prom season, always pick the jerk. Character fades, but a BMW is forever.
The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Terrible love lesson: Women are attracted to guys with crippling debt and commitment issues.
Before Sunrise (1995)
Terrible love lesson: The most meaningful relationships are one-night stands.
Coming to America (1988)
Terrible love lesson: Women only want you for your money, so pretend you’re poor, at least during the first few dates.
Wayne’s World (1992)
Terrible love lesson: Sprinkle your romantic banter with evocative phrases like “monkeys might fly out of my butt.”
Heathers (1989)
Terrible love lesson: Convince her that your bad life choices are really her bad life choices.
Clerks (1994)
Terrible love lesson: Having sex at work is absolutely a good idea as long as you keep the lights on.
Dazed and Confused (1993)
Terrible love lesson: Try to be the least creepy guy in the room. If you’re 10 percent less cringey than the “alright, alright, alright” guy, you’re winning.
Beetlejuice (1988)
Terrible love lesson: Goth girls will agree to anything if you’re persistent enough.
Footloose (1984)
Terrible love lesson: Angry dancing alone in an abandoned warehouse is in no way disturbing.
Pulp Fiction (1994)
Terrible love lesson: A memorable first date needs at least one near-death experience.
“Purple Rain” taught us that before love, forgiveness or personal growth, you must first purify yourself in Lake Minnetonka.
Warner Bros./Courtesy Everett Collection
Purple Rain (1984)
Terrible love lesson: Don’t tell your girlfriend when you’re angry. Instead, write a song about a girl named Nikki with questionable hotel lobby etiquette. That’ll show her.
Clueless (1995)
Terrible love lesson: Do not kiss your stepsibling, at least until your parents get divorced.
The Karate Kid (1984)
Terrible love lesson: Before you can date someone new, you must first prove your worthiness by defeating her ex-boyfriend in a brutal martial arts championship.
The Matrix (1999)
Terrible love lesson: Have complicated emotions that you’re not sure how to express? Just say, “Whoa.” She’ll get it.
Editor’s note: This story ran previously in The Arrow, AARP’s former online magazine for Gen X men.
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