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Valerie Bertinelli, 65, Bares Her Soul in ‘Getting Naked’
The actor and celebrity foodie talks to AARP about her new memoir, lifelong reinventions and what makes her happy now
VIDEO: Valerie Bertinelli on Fame, Aging, and Healing
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America fell for Valerie Bertinelli, 65, when she was just a 15-year-old kid, cast by the legendary Norman Lear as Barbara Cooper, the teenage daughter of a single mom (Bonnie Franklin) on the sitcom One Day at a Time. Bertinelli later became a fixture of celebrity culture, with the tabloids following her volatile 26-year marriage to Eddie Van Halen, the virtuoso rock guitarist who passed away in 2020.
After the couple (who had a son, Wolfgang) divorced in 2007, Bertinelli reinvented herself: She became a Food Network star on Valerie’s Home Cooking (and published cookbooks, too); married financial planner Tom Vitale in 2011, then went through a bruising divorce from him in 2022; embraced sobriety; and publicly reckoned with her body image and self-worth.
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Now Bertinelli is baring even more, rhetorically, in her new book, Getting Naked: The Quiet Work of Being Perfectly Imperfect, a collection of essays about aging, acceptance and self-love.
Bertinelli (far right) with (from left) Pat Harrington, Bonnie Franklin and Glenn Scarpelli, her castmates on “One Day at a Time,” which ran from 1975 to 1984.
Courtesy Everett Collection
In a candid conversation with Shelley Emling, editor of AARP’s The Girlfriend, Bertinelli opened up about shame, grief, reinvention and current projects — including appearing as a lifestyle expert on Drew Barrymore’s talk show — and her upcoming Lifetime movie Love, Again, in which she plays a woman whose husband is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
What was it like writing this very frank book?
What was happening in my life when I was writing this was so insane: childhood traumas that I really needed to finally dig into, and dealing with self-loathing, still, at this age. And giving up alcohol at the same time made all of my feelings raw. I realized I had to deal with my feelings. I found a great EMDR [Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing] therapist … and that really helped me dig into a lot of what I was dealing with [and address in the book].
Bertinelli revisited some painful times from her past in her new memoir, “Getting Naked.”
Courtesy Harper Collins
You’ve said life at 65 feels different. What’s the best part of this chapter?
Not caring what someone thinks of me. Not caring about their opinion. If it’s constructive criticism, I’m always willing to learn something. But if someone has something negative to say to me that doesn’t feel true or honest to me, it’s like, yeah, whatever. That’s for you. That’s a you thing.
Do you think of yourself as famous?
I still don’t act like I’m famous because I don’t feel famous. I still go to the grocery store. I need to pick out my fruit and my veggies myself. I pick up my laundry. I clean my cats’ litter boxes. I have a normal life. I don’t feel famous except when I see photographers hiding behind a bush, and then it feels weird.
In your upcoming Lifetime movie ‘Love, Again,’ you play a woman caring for a husband with early-onset Alzheimer’s. What did stepping into that role teach you about caregiving?
It’s very challenging being a caregiver, as many know, and we don’t necessarily get the pats on the back or even the acknowledgement that the job is really hard. [With Alzheimer’s], the people we love are still present but are leaving us. This story is told with a lot of heart and beauty in the film, which also has some humor.
How has your definition of success changed through the years?
Success for me now is a calm, safe emotional life, being with people I love and who love me. Hanging out with my son and his wife, my brothers, my girlfriends. Just hanging out at home, taking a rest day, doing crossword puzzles and reading a novel that I’ve been dying to get into. I want to start knitting again. And being on the show with Drew for the last two years, that’s a gift. I feel incredibly blessed.
Bertinelli attended the 2022 Grammy Awards with her son, Wolfgang Van Halen, a musician whose song “Distance” was nominated for best rock song.
Francis Specker/CBS via Getty Images
What are your friendships like at this age? Has your circle of friends grown smaller or larger with time?
Drew is a new friend of mine, and it’s a lovely addition. I’ve had my core group of girlfriends for almost 30 years, and I adore them. These are women I met when Wolfie was in kindergarten, and he made friends with their children. We all celebrate birthdays together. We go to dinner, just gab and have a great time. And I’ve been in a book group since Wolfie was in kindergarten. Different people have entered and exited, but I love our group right now. Sometimes we hate the book, and that’s when we have the best conversations.
Any book recommendations?
I just finished Martyr! [by Iranian American poet Kaveh Akbar]. It’s such a gorgeous, gorgeous book about love and grief and coming to terms with how we walk through both. And Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin is a fabulous book.
What do you do to stay fit?
Because I travel so much and my bag is so heavy to put in my overhead compartment, I need to improve my upper body strength and build my muscles. This is the interesting thing about getting old and appreciating our bodies: I don’t work out to make my body look better any longer. It’s about making my body feel better.
What’s on your bucket list?
I really, really want to see the aurora borealis, the northern lights, and I want to sleep underneath them. That’s on my to-do-before-I-die list, along with seeing Ireland and Scotland. And I want to have grandchildren, but that’s not up to me.... I’ll be the best grandma.
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