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Where to Find the Best Sex Toys

Sex toys can add sizzle to your sex life. Our experts tell you how to shop for them


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Kiersten Essenpreis

You might be ready to try sex toys to spice up your 50-plus sex play, but where to shop for them can be daunting. An actual store where you can talk to a salesperson and browse might be appealing unless you are afraid of, yikes, is that my neighbor?! Online is another option but what’s legit and what’s not? Here’s all the buzz on sex toys from the experts.

My husband and I are interested in exploring sex toys but stumped on where to get them. I worry about unsafe websites, and I think if I went to a sex toy store, I’d become overwhelmed. Can you provide safe sources for sex toys geared toward older adults?

As with many products, there’s a learning curve — as I found out when I first started shopping for sex accessories. What material is the toy made of? What’s the battery life? Is there a warranty? And, for some older adults who may have issues gripping a toy, is it ergonomic? All questions best answered by an experienced salesperson.

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Shop talk

Allison Kent, a licensed clinical social worker focusing on relationships and sex, urges you to visit a sex toy store and ask a salesperson for help. The educational training that store staff receives tends to be comprehensive — and the human interaction, she says, far exceeds what you will experience online.

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In the Mood

For AARP’s In the Mood column, writer Ellen Uzelac will ask experts your most pressing 50+ sex and relationship questions. Uzelac is the former West Coast bureau chief for The Baltimore Sun. She writes frequently on sex, relationships, travel and lifestyle issues.

Do you have a question? Email us at sexafter50@aarp.org

Qualities Kent says to look for in a sex toy shop include: staff who are knowledgeable about the products, are good listeners and are respectful in how they communicate with you regardless of “your age, gender, kink or preferences.”

Sexy sex toy facts

What kind of sex toys do older adults prefer? Seventy percent of 65-plus adults in the U.S. favored vibrators while 37 percent chose dildos, says a recent Durex Global Sex Survey.

How many older adults use sex toys? Roughly 1 in 3 adults 40-plus say they’ve used a vibrator for solo and partnered sex, according to AARP’s Ageless Desire study.

Another benefit: When you shop in person, Kent says you can see the toy up close, feel a sample, experience the texture and explore the different features. “Staff should wear and offer you latex gloves to test out the toy before purchase,” she adds.

And if you don’t want to have a sex chat right out in the open, Sari Cooper, codirector of the Erotic Intimacy Academy and founder of Center for Love and Sex in New York City, recommends booking a private appointment in advance — something many shops are happy to do.

Check out online options

If you don’t have access to a brick-and-mortar store (or the thought of going into one is just too much), there are plenty of reputable websites that sell sex accessories.

If you’d like a shop that caters to women, Cooper, a certified sex therapist, favors smaller, entrepreneur-led and female-owned sites like Unboundbabes. “It has a smaller menu of toys than some of the larger sites so it won’t overwhelm you,” she says.

If you want a toy that doesn’t look like a toy, she recommends Dame Products, which sells sculptural toys that “look like works of art.” Cooper gives the company high marks for its sophisticated design features, a wide array of pulses on each of its toys and discreet packaging.

Chris Fariello, founder and director of Philadelphia Institute for Individual, Relational & Sex Therapy, suggests checking out the following companies that he says put a high priority on offering safe, high-quality products:

If you want a wide range of toy options, Lovehoney and Babeland fit the bill. Both retailers cater to various needs and sex-play preferences, and Fariello says they’re known for good customer service.

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If you’re looking for a store that’s stood the test of time, Good Vibrations and Adam & Eve can serve as your go-to websites since they are veterans of the sex toy space. Good Vibrations, he adds, is known for offering toys and educational resources for all stages of life.

If you’d like detailed product descriptions, Fariello recommends SheVibe. The site is also user-friendly and inclusive.

If you could use a little sex education, Cooper suggests taking a look at Holistic Wisdom. This website, in addition to selling products, features a robust sex education component including blog posts on sex toy scams, sex toys for seniors and sex toys for health issues and disabilities.

And the fun part: Picking out a toy

Now that you’ve found a few places to potentially buy from, what should you shop for as a beginner to the sex toy world?

Don’t spend big bucks to start. Kent’s advice? Start at a lower price point so that you can explore until you find something you really like.

One inexpensive option is a disposable cock ring, which can be purchased online or at some drugstores. “For less than $20,” Kent says, “you can experiment with the mutual fun of a vibrating cock ring” that provides clitoral and testicular stimulation.

Consider mobility issues. Before buying a sex toy, Kent says older adults should consider any mobility or dexterity issues. As an example, she recommends the Hitachi magic wand for clitoral stimulation. “It is a large toy and has a long handle that makes it easy to hold, manipulate and move around if you have arthritis or challenges with gripping.”

Make sure the products are safe. Fariello says to check the product description or packaging to ensure the toys are made from materials that are safe for the body such as silicone, glass or stainless steel. Avoid potentially harmful substances like phthalates, he adds.

Do you have questions about sex or relationships as a 50-plus adult? Send them to sexafter50@aarp.org.​

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