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Welcome to Ethels Tell All, where the writers behind The Ethel newsletter share their personal stories related to the joys and challenges of aging. Come back each Wednesday for the latest piece, exclusively on AARP Members Edition.
“Ooooh,” I moan to my husband of 40-plus years. “That feels so good. A little to the left … a little higher … that’s it!”
We’re not having sex. We’re engaging in something perhaps even more pleasurable: massaging each other’s feet.
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There’s a time and a place for everything. The time, back in the 1970s, when we fell in love and married in our 20s. The place was everywhere we could have sex as long as we wouldn’t get arrested. Most often the traditional way, in our queen-size bed, where lazy weekend mornings were ripe for sex; brunch could wait and was even better after orgasms. In the shower, awkwardly standing up, giggling about our soapy bodies. When traveling, as soon as we parked our luggage in a hotel room, we’d throw off the bedspread and get right to it.
Once, we even made love on a lounge chair on our friends’ outdoor deck while they were at the movies; the only one who could spy on us was their curious dog who was good at keeping secrets.
Back then, I remember hearing claims that newly married folks had sex four to five times a week. I thought that was an underestimate, and was shocked when I heard how older couples had little or no sex. Stress, raising children, body changes due to aging, boring routines and marital problems can make libidos plummet.
Yet, after a big argument, I always found makeup sex the best. In time, our lust slowed down but didn’t disappear. We had demanding jobs and a baby who grew into a toddler, barging into our bedroom at odd times, unannounced. Sometimes our aphrodisiac was a good night’s sleep.
Perimenopause and menopause didn’t exactly fuel sexual desire. Plus, we found it harder to contort our bodies into different positions like an Olympic gymnast in a new lovemaking competition. Those bad backs and arthritic knees!
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