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I’m the Oldest Person on My Team. Here’s How I’m Dealing
I worried about fitting in at my workplace. Instead, I found friendship, support and fresh perspectives
What do you do when you’re at least 10 years older than all of your work friends?
Robert Neubecker
At the age of 53, I generally feel about 35 on the inside. The only moments I really consider my age are as follows: around my birthday, when I see crop tops and tiny shorts at the store, and listening to my kids’ music (1990s hip-hop forever!).
But recently a new circumstance made me reflect on my age. I had the epiphany that I am the oldest person on my work team at the elementary school where I’m a teaching assistant.
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To be honest, I didn’t notice for the first six months on the job. Conversations flow naturally; we respect and support each other; we work hard and have great conversations at happy hour. This tracks with my overall work experiences through life.
Whether I worked in newsrooms or, more recently, in elementary schools, navigating work dynamics has been a breeze. My colleagues — who have always been roughly the same age and in the same life stages — have become some of my closest lifelong friends.
Then a cross-country move brought me from Massachusetts to a new school in Northern California. As I got to know the third-grade teachers with whom I work, I didn’t think about anyone’s age.
What finally made me notice were sidebar conversations where I learned little bits about their personal lives. Everyone is married. They have first graders, 4-year-olds, and newborn babies. We had a long-term substitute in third grade for most of the school year, who talked one day about navigating the postcollege dating scene.
Maisy Fernandez, fourth from left, with a group of her colleagues, left to right: Hannah Blue, Katie Reineman, Carley Large, Maisy Fernandez, Caitlyn Petersen, Amber Moshovsky.
Angie Spencer
Meanwhile, I am divorcing after 20-plus years of marriage and have two high schoolers. Once a month, I get my gray roots touched up. Sometimes my hip hurts when I’ve been sitting for a long time. And my pop culture references at work are occasionally met with blank stares.
I realized that I’m at least 10 years older than most of my work friends. The first time I felt self-conscious about the age gap was last spring, when I went to a comedy show with my youngest coworker, Hannah.
I didn’t say anything out loud, but in my mind, I was like, Does she really want to go with me? Or is it just because I am the only one free tonight?
On the way there, I learned how young Hannah was; she graduated from college in 2020. Still, the conversation easily slid into things we had in common. We were both semi-recent transplants to the region. We both have mixed-race families, and our area lacks the racial and cultural diversity that we are both accustomed to and crave. It can be hard to have conversations about this kind of thing with people who don’t ever have a reason to think about it.
At the comedy show, we laughed until our sides hurt, then rushed home to bed because it was a school night.
When Hannah was done with her long-term subbing stint, she gave me a thank-you card. Among other things, she wrote, “I am so grateful I met someone who has similar backgrounds, connections and family to mine, as I haven’t yet here in [my town]. I love being a mixed kid and knowing moms of mixed kids.”
Her entire message was heartfelt and touching. We connected on meaningful levels, plus we had so much fun when we went out.
Making intergenerational connections at work can only be an asset, says Lindsey Pollak, author of The Remix: How to Lead and Succeed in the Multigenerational Workplace. “The workplace today has four, sometimes five, generations, and new young people are arriving every day. Being able to work with people decades older or younger is an essential skill.”
At school, these smart, dynamic, younger women energize me with their resilience, passion and fresh ideas. I’ve learned a totally cool — and new to me — tool to teach the 9-times tables. Working with each teacher has also taught me a variety of emotional and behavioral support methods — and you can never have too many of those when you work in a school.
And I know I’ve helped them too. One wondered how having a second child alters the family unit, so I shared my experience. Another talked about how daily kid activities affect her schedule and routines. I get it. I’ve been Mom Ubering for 16 years, and the grind can be exhausting.
In my experience, fostering these strong relationships with younger coworkers has made me better at my job, and it’s led to some phenomenal friendships as well.
I am back to feeling 35 inside again and, at the same time, proud to be 53.
AARP essays share a point of view in the author’s voice, drawn from expertise or experience, and do not necessarily reflect the views of AARP.
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