I Didn't Sign Up for This… Or Did I?

Following my husband's orthopedic surgery, I've found myself unexpectedly thrust into the role of caregiver. It's the "in sickness and in health" part of our wedding vows, to be sure—but it's not a role I ever imagined for myself, or one I'm naturally suited for.

As a child growing up in the 1950s, girls were asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The acceptable answers were fairly limited: teacher, secretary, nurse—or, if you dreamed big, perhaps a ballet dancer. Nurse was an emphatic "no" for me.

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Yet here I am.

Thankfully, my husband hasn't needed intensive nursing care. He's already graduating from needing help with dressing and showering, and each day brings a little more independence. Even so, life for both of us has been put on hold.

In normal times, our relationship is a real partnership. We do a lot together from grocery shopping to morning walks. We also have our primary responsibilities: I do the laundry; he cooks most dinners. In these caregiving times, I doing it all and doing it alone. Then there’s the cravings for a milkshake or beef with peapods that I run out to get only to see a few sips or bites consumed.

I know this chapter has an ending. In a matter of weeks—perhaps even days—our lives will begin returning to normal.

Many caregivers don't have that reassurance.

Every day, millions of spouses, adult children, siblings, and friends care for loved ones whose lives have been permanently altered by illness, injury, dementia, or disability. They wake up each morning knowing that caregiving isn't a temporary assignment but a long-term way of life. They navigate medical appointments, medications, finances, exhaustion, and uncertainty while often setting aside their own needs.

Experiencing even this brief season has given me a deeper appreciation for their resilience. Caregiving is physically demanding, emotionally draining, and frequently invisible. It deserves far more recognition—and far more support—than it receives.

That's why I hope you'll join me in supporting efforts, including those championed by AARP, to advocate for family caregivers. They need resources, respite, education, and policies that acknowledge the enormous contribution they make to our families and our communities.

I've also come to appreciate something else: the friends who don't just ask how my husband is recovering, but who ask how I'm doing. That simple question reminds caregivers that they, too, deserve care.

Perhaps that's the answer to my title.

Maybe none of us thinks we sign up to be caregivers. But when we promise to love someone through life's joys and hardships, when we choose family and commitment, perhaps we do sign up—just without realizing what that promise may someday require.

As always, I'd love to hear your story. If you've been a caregiver—or if someone has cared for you—please take a moment to share your experience. Your story may encourage someone who needs to know they're not alone.

Share your comments or feedback to Gail.