Owner of Social Catfish Breaks Down Online Dating Scams

Clues of fraud can be easy to spot. To start, many romance scammers use the same fake photos; often, he said, they'll steal pics of attractive people in military uniforms or porn stars (dressed, of course) or popular posters on social networks. The commonality? All have proven they'll draw lots of eyeballs. McClellan added that scammers use the same scripts, with the same canned phrases, over and over. Plus, he said, it's not uncommon for scammers to be involved with multiple victims at one time and to spend hours on the phone with the same person. “They see it as a full-time job.”

What do they talk about for that long? Monica Whitty, an Australian social psychologist, has published papers outlining how romance scammers groom victims by showering them with compliments, sending love poems, professing their undying support and even mailing small gifts with love notes attached. Some experts refer to this as love bombing. The goal is to get the victim so infatuated with the scammer — or, more accurately, the character he or she portrays — that the victim will be more likely to say yes when asked for money.

In past interviews, scammers have told me they wait until the victim has clearly fallen for them to make their move. Even then, they never ask for money outright — it's always a “loan” or a “temporary advance” to get them out of a one-time (and, of course, fake) jam. That makes it seem less risky.

"Most people lose only a couple hundred dollars and then wise up. But we also have clients who have lost hundreds of thousands,” McClellan noted. Either way, it's a double loss: financial and emotional. For some, learning their love interest is not real can be the bigger hurt.

I asked McClellan what new twists he's seeing. Scammers are moving beyond dating sites to online games where you can play with people you don't know, he said. Over time, the scammer will identify vulnerable people and befriend them.

McClellan doesn't say to give up on meeting people online: “Just do your due diligence and independently verify whom you're talking to before making any commitments. And never send them money — period.