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For many couples tying the knot these days, items like fine china, crystal and cutlery sets aren’t on their wedding registries.
Instead, a growing number of couples are asking guests for experiential gifts, like wine tastings, cooking classes or excursions on their honeymoon — and many simply want money. According to The Knot’s 2023 Wedding Registry Study, 74 percent of couples registered for cash.
But this preference for cash gifts can create friction when it clashes with a guest’s desire to give a tangible wedding present.
My granddaughter is getting married this year. I heard from her mother that what she would really appreciate is cash, but I was taught that cash is not a good gift since it doesn’t show any thought. Is it OK to give her a physical gift, or should I respect her wishes and give her money?
This is a timely topic given that tangible gifts are less popular with younger generations. It’s also an interesting question, considering that money as a gift has gotten a bad rap.
Some people think cash gifts are crass; others think they’re impersonal. These are common refrains I’ve heard from older adults, who've grown accustomed to giving — and receiving — physical presents instead of money. But, undeniably, cash is always a useful gift.
From an etiquette perspective, the true test is how you give it. A $50 bill (or check) just handed off to a newly wedded couple with a mumbled “congrats” is not a celebratory way to mark the occasion. But 50 bucks tucked inside a card with a thoughtful handwritten message can make for a meaningful gift.
In your case, you might ask your daughter if there’s a reason your granddaughter prefers cash gifts. Many times, practical matters can lead couples to eschew physical gifts in favor of cash that they can use to help accomplish their goals. Newlyweds preparing to buy a house or college graduates focused on paying off student debt come to mind. Finding out how the money will be used may give you the warm fuzzies of knowing that you’ve given your granddaughter and her spouse a gift they will appreciate and use well.
At the same time, it’s important that we feel good about the gifts we give. So if giving a physical present is very important to you, I think it’s OK to go that direction even though your granddaughter would prefer cash — on the condition that you include a gift receipt. This way, your granddaughter can return the item if she chooses. (Don’t take it personally if she does.) As for timing, gifts should be sent before the wedding, or as soon after as possible.
How much should you give? There’s no hard-and-fast rule, but please do not break the bank. Also, you do not have to “pay for your plate” — an outdated notion that your gift should at least cover the cost of your meal. Let your budget guide your gift amount.
One more thing to note: If you're attending a destination wedding, your travel costs might impact the size of your gift budget.
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