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I'm a Fan of Regifting Presents. Is It OK or Just Plain Rude?
Follow these rules to avoid hurt feelings and faux pas
Jon Krause
Let’s admit it: We’ve all thought about regifting something — and many of us have. But that’s not always such a bad thing.
With the holidays in full swing, now is a good time to consider whether the act of regifting is appropriate or simply bad manners.
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I love the holidays, particularly the act of giving and, admittedly, receiving gifts. But oftentimes people send me gifts that I don’t like. I’m also on a tighter budget this year for holiday gifts. Is it OK to give a gift that I received to someone else, or is regifting just bad manners?
Regifting occupies an interesting space in the world of etiquette. When done well, it can be a very thoughtful gesture that reduces waste, but when done poorly, it can cause deeply hurt feelings and resentment for both the recipient and the person who originally gave you the gift.
We’ve heard of some doozies on our Awesome Etiquette podcast, including people who regifted a present to the person who gave them the gift. Oof! Not a fun moment for the recipient — and it’s something that can harm the relationship, rather than bring people closer.
Gift-giving should be a thoughtful, joyous experience. This doesn’t have to mean huge surprises or big-ticket items, but you want to be sensitive and aware of the impact of your gift. The goal is to get something that will delight the other person, showing you put intention into the gift you chose. A regifted item can check that box — and sometimes check it in wonderfully meaningful ways. But it’s all in how you approach it.
If you’ve received a gift that you already have, it’s OK to give the new one to someone else as a present. It’s also fine to regift something you received years ago, such as a watch, a piece of artwork or a special keepsake, that you cherished but are ready to pass on to a loved one.
The type of regift you should avoid is the “convenience regift,” where you plan to regift something simply because you don’t like it and want to get rid of it. When you regift something just so you can unload it, you’re not actually putting effort into the act of giving someone a gift that’s right for them. It’s the antithesis of what gift giving should be — it's all about you and not about them. You’re also cheating yourself out of the wonderful feeling of getting someone a gift you know they’ll enjoy.
As for whether you acknowledge that the present is a regift? One approach is to be straightforward with the recipient. “Alex, I received this as a gift. However, I already own it, and I really thought you’d enjoy it.” This shows the recipient that you’re not just giving them a random item but giving them something you think would be great for them based on their interests or needs.
However, if you’d rather not reveal that the present is a regift, here are some ground rules.
- The item must have all its parts, manuals, etc., and be in its original packaging.
- The gift should not be handmade (like the sweater your friend knitted for you last Christmas), unique, monogrammed or personalized (even if the engraved initials or a date match!).
- You need to be 99 percent sure that the person who gave you the gift and the person who will receive it would not be upset if they found out you regifted it.
- I saved this guideline for last, because it’s the most important and most forgotten: You have to genuinely believe the person receiving the gift will appreciate the item.
Bottom line: regifting can be a beautiful thing when handled with care.
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