AARP Hearing Center
Jon Krause
If you graduated from college decades ago, brace yourself for sticker shock. For the 2024-2025 academic year, the average tuition and fees for in-state undergraduate students attending a four-year public college reached $11,610, more than double the average cost 30 years ago, according to the College Board. The cost to attend a four-year private college: an eye-popping $43,350, up from $24,840 over the same period.
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Helping your grandchild pay for college can alleviate some of the financial strain. Some grandparents contribute to a 529 plan. Some offer their grandchildren cash or loans. Some pay tuition directly to their grandchild’s college to avoid gift taxes.
But what should you do when your grandchild chooses a major that you don’t approve of?
I helped my grandchild save a lot of money for college by making contributions to his 529 plan since he was born. He’s now a freshman and decided he wants to major in philosophy. Philosophy! He should be studying something that will actually lead to a job when he graduates. What can I say to him without hurting his feelings?
Let me start by commending you for helping your grandchild pay for college. It’s amazing that you’ve been able to offer him financial assistance in this way. And with such generous support, I can understand the desire to have some say or influence in guiding your grandson to a degree you believe will lead to a successful career.
That said, if you didn’t set expectations or stipulations for the funds when you gave them, it’s harder to make a claim now on how they can be used.
Harder, but not impossible.
Like so many things when it comes to etiquette, it’s not if you choose to say something — it’s how you say it.
Talking directly to him about his choice to study philosophy (or, really, any degree you disapprove of), if you’re judging that choice, could damage your relationship if he perceives your message or tone as condescending or unsupportive. That’s certainly not your goal and not how you want to be seen by your grandson, especially after all the support you’ve already provided as a grandparent.
Instead, I would encourage you to have a conversation about what you think career success looks like. This shifts the focus to you, rather than focusing on your grandson’s decision to study something you don’t support, and it’s more likely to lead to a positive exchange.
I speak from experience. When I was an undergrad, I started as a studio art major, taking classes on everything from fine metals and mixed media to painting and sculpting. My father, however, was thinking about my career prospects. (I suspect he wondered if I’d live under my parents’ roof for the rest of my life.) But he didn’t scold me or tell me to switch majors.
What he did was find an opportunity to talk with me about how people approach their college studies and work in general. He said people choose to either major in a subject that they love and prioritize their passion over their earning potential, or they choose a major that will lead to career that allows them to afford a certain lifestyle. There’s nothing wrong with either approach, he added.
Rather than telling me what he thought I should study, he presented me with a broader framework to think about what I wanted my future to look like — a framework that helped me decide to change my major to art education. And guess what? I never taught a single art class after college. But I did apply my degree — and the experiences I gained while earning it — to my work at the Emily Post Institute as a writer, presenter, businesswoman and our unofficial graphic designer.
Really, so much of college is about showing up, taking classes that you’re interested in, and learning and demonstrating that you can accomplish a set of goals — not about what your major is. And, for what it’s worth, I know a philosophy major who went on to become a book editor at a global publishing house, a philosophy major who is a successful New York City attorney, and a philosophy major who runs a natural-landscape company with 50 employees and more than $1 million a year in revenue.
As for how to approach your grandson? Proceed with caution on this one, dear reader. A gentle tone will go a long way. Starting with something as simple as, “Do you have any ideas about what you want to do after college?” Followed by a lot of listening.
Do what grandparents are cherished for: Provide perspective without hampering his dreams. And remind your grandson that if he applies himself and takes school seriously, he can achieve just about anything.
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