In a May-December Romance? Here’s How to Make It Work

Different energy levels, unfamiliar slang — if there’s an age gap with your love interest, you need to be prepared

Nicole Pajer,

AARP

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Published September 30, 2025

An illustration shows a couple spending a night out while other couples gossip about them

Philip Lindeman

You started dating someone new and there is a decade or more between you. While it may feel unconventional, this is not as uncommon as you think. A 2023 Ipsos survey found that about half of Americans have been in relationships with someone at least 10 years older or younger than them. You may have an undeniable chemistry and haven’t given much thought to your partner being from a different era. But throwing a significant age difference into the equation can introduce unique challenges and benefits.

From generational differences and varying tastes in music to external comments and even unfamiliar slang, here are some tips to help you navigate your May-December romance.

Manage expectations about life stages, including retirement and kids

“Life stages can be tricky to navigate in relationships with significant age gaps,” says LaShandra Batiste-Manary, a certified relationship, life and mental health coach with LBM Coaching and Consulting in Calabasas, California. Both partners, she says, should make a point to be open about their goals, priorities, and expectations and work together to figure out how to integrate them in a mutually beneficial way.

“If you’re considering retirement while your partner is climbing up the career ladder, it’s good to have regular check-ins about how you can support each other’s dreams,” says Batiste-Manary. That might mean the older partner mentors the younger partner as they navigate their career. “At the same time, the younger partner could help plan exciting adventures for retirement,” Batiste-Manary says.

Another thing to consider: kids. If you’re a 53-year-old man dating a 37-year-old woman, she may want kids. You, on the other hand, may not be in that same mindset. “If having a family is important to one partner and not the other, it’s a conversation that needs to happen early and honestly,” says Seth Eisenberg, a Fort Lauderdale, Florida-based licensed trainer, president and CEO at PAIRS Foundation (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills), a program that teaches communication, emotional awareness and conflict resolution to strengthen relationships.

He recommends not just talking about kids but also discussing each other’s dreams, fears and what you each envision for your life five, 10, 20 years from now. “The goal isn’t to force agreement, but to find clarity and mutual respect,” he says.

Be prepared for low-tech versus high-tech differences

Texting versus phone calls, TV shows that one person watched before the other person’s time, putting one’s entire life on social media versus keeping more things to yourself — one of the biggest differences when dating someone a decade or more older or younger is that you each may communicate in the way it was done when you were coming of age. These contrasts can create room for conflict — but generational differences can also spice things up if you approach them with curiosity, says Batiste-Manary.

“When we come from different communication cultures, it’s easy to assume our way is the right way and to feel dismissed or misunderstood when our partner does something unfamiliar,” says Eisenberg. But whether it’s a phone call, a meme or a handwritten note, he says, it’s important to remember it’s always the same human longing: to be seen, to be valued and to matter.

Try approaching each other’s preferred method of communication with genuine curiosity rather than criticism. “For example, asking, ‘Can you help me understand why this way of communicating feels important to you?’ is very different from saying, ‘That’s not how we do things,’” adds Eisenberg.

Embrace each other’s pop culture

That actor from that older movie? The TikTok star everyone is talking about? You may have no clue who your partner is referencing. When dating with an age gap, you may not always be in sync with the pop culture brought up in conversation, such as movies, quotes, sports, celebrities, news events,” says Shelly Kessinger, a licensed professional counselor with Friendswood Marriage Counseling in Friendswood, Texas.

“Be prepared for your significant other to not understand or remember your references, and vice versa,” she says. This could happen one-on-one in an intimate discussion with your partner or in a group setting with others – think game night and couples charades!

But this is something you can also have fun with. Take turns showing each other movies you love to quote from back in the day, introducing each other to new sports teams the other person may not have grown up cheering for, or talking about influential people or celebrities that have made an impact on your life. You may even expand your interests in the process.

Be prepared to deal with outside opinions

Your 10-year age difference works for you, but it might seem weird to friends, family, neighbors and even strangers on the street. Know that people might say things that poke at your partnership and make you feel the need to defend it. Ultimately, try your best to tune them out and let the comments roll off your backs, says Hannah Reeves, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Tustin, California. “I have to remind my clients that people’s opinions might roll in uninvited, but they don’t get to define your happiness. The focus is on what works for you two.”

You can also diffuse unsolicited opinions about your age difference by making a joke. “Maybe you agree to use humor to deflect, or you calmly explain how your relationship works for you,” says Batiste-Manary. And don’t be afraid to set boundaries with friends and family, she stresses.

If people are giving you a hard time, try this: “A simple, honest conversation can go a long way, like saying, ‘I love you and I hear your concerns, but I need you to trust that I know what’s best for me.’ Or even, ‘This relationship makes me happy, and I’d really appreciate your support, even if it’s not what you expected for me,’” says Batiste-Manary.

Respect your different energy levels

The younger partner in the relationship might have more physical or social energy, craving new experiences and energetic pastimes. An older partner may find more joy in a routine or quieter moments of reflection. “Here’s where the beauty of compromise and curiosity comes into play,” says Eisenberg. “Ask yourselves what you can learn from each other.”

One partner who likes to relax might teach the other partner about living more in the moment, while a more energetic partner may introduce a homebody to some fun new hobbies, like hiking or pickleball.

“Approach this with a mindset of sharing rather than fearing the differences. Ask, ‘How can we enrich each other’s lives with the unique energies we bring?’” says Eisenberg.

Don’t make money a taboo topic

“Money talks are crucial in any relationship, but especially when there’s an age gap,” says Batiste-Manary. Being of different generations, one of you might be ready to retire financially, and the other one might still be paying off debt.

The person who is more established in their career may also be accustomed to the finer things in life and routinely spend money on nice dinners and travel, while the younger partner may have less funds available.

“Be upfront about your situations, your attitudes toward money and your financial goals,” says Batiste-Manary. If one person has much more wealth, discuss how that will factor into your lifestyle choices as a couple. Will you split things 50-50 or spend proportionally to income? These conversations can be a bit uncomfortable, adds Batiste-Manary, but they’re essential for avoiding resentment down the line.

Strive for a power balance

Relationships thrive on a balance of power. But with an age gap, sometimes the older partner may unconsciously take on a more authoritative role, while the younger partner might slip into a more dependent position, says Eisenberg.

This dynamic, he says, can be subtle but impactful. “Healthy relationships are built on equal footing — both partners should feel empowered, respected and valued in their own right,” stresses Eisenberg. He challenges couples with a significant age gap to pay attention to the ways in which you relate to one another. Are both of you feeling free to express your needs and desires without feeling overshadowed? If not, work toward making sure both partners are on equal footing. To do this, Eisenberg suggests checking in regularly to ask each other, “Are there moments when you feel dismissed or overshadowed?” He also recommends making decisions together, recognizing and talking about role dynamics, and supporting each other’s autonomy — celebrating each other’s individual growth, friendships and independence.

Bottom line: Talk about your differences

When it comes to dating with an age gap, communication is ultimately what will make or break the relationship, says Reeves. It’s important to talk about anything and everything that could cause tension between you.

“Whether it’s expectations, ambitions or boundaries, you’ve got to lay it all out,” she says. Reeves suggests checking in with each other regularly, giving the partnerships the opportunity to work through any age-related quirks as they come up.

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