What to Do When Old Friends Don’t Like Your New Love

You’re smitten with your new partner. Your friends? Not so much. Here are ways to handle the situation

Nicole Pajer,

AARP

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Published June 23, 2025

A group of older adult friends engage in a spirited discussion in the kitchen.

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You jumped back into the dating pool as an older adult after being widowed, divorced or it was just time to find that special someone. And hooray, you did! But your besties — who’ve known you for years — aren’t too wild about your new boo.

“People may feel very excited about a new partner and assume that they will get along well with their friends,” says Susan Trotter, a Boston-based relationship coach. “This is especially true for those over 50 who have long-established friendships.”

But Trotter notes that, sadly, not everyone will always get along as well as you think, adding that you should ask yourself if you’ve liked every partner one of your friends has introduced you to.

Personality clashes between friends and lovers can put you in an awkward position and can even put stress on your relationship with both parties.

Here are tips to help your partner and your friends get along — or at the very least tolerate each other long enough to be in the same room from time to time.

Start off on the right foot

Creating a good relationship between your partner and friends at the first meeting is a great place to start. And keep it quick, says Tammy Shaklee, a certified matchmaker and founder of H4M Matchmaking.

“You should introduce your partner to your friends like how you would want your ideal first date — short and sweet,” Shaklee says.

Another tip: Keep it comfortable, with a small group of friends, she says. Try to pick a welcoming environment and encourage a lighthearted chat — think more mingling than interrogation.

“A first introduction should be balanced with your partner getting a brief overview of the friends present and them learning a brief overview of your partner,” Shaklee adds. The goal, she says, should be that everyone has a pleasant experience.

Have an open conversation

Instead of speculating about what your friends and partner are thinking, it’s best to be direct and get it all out on the table. “Ideally, your partner is also exploring and sharing with you about their own feelings and what may be driving their dislike of your friends,” Trotter says. If they’re not, go ahead and ask, she adds.

Next, pull your friends aside and ask what their concerns are. They may even be noticing something about your partner that you haven’t seen yourself, which could provide some helpful insights for your relationship, Trotter says. She encourages people to be open and nondefensive when talking to both parties and listening to their points of view. This will give you a chance to talk things out in a mature fashion to see if there are any misunderstandings you can clear up or if there are ways forward with both of them having a relationship of some sort.

Make individual time for one another

It’s important to make separate time with your friends to properly nurture those relationships, Trotter says. And your partner, even if they are warming up to your friends, will appreciate one-on-one times when they can focus on being romantic without a group around, she adds. Plus, each party may feel that you act differently around the other.

Don’t put too much pressure on the situation

You can talk it out with both parties, but at the end of the day, try not to set expectations about whether they will get along. “Putting too much pressure on your partner or your friends may cause tension and could potentially lead to disappointment,” Shaklee says. And things can also change. “Over time, shared experiences may naturally foster closer bonds between them,” she adds.

Be strategic when hosting

Hosting an event with a friend who doesn’t like your boyfriend? Shaklee suggests delegating tasks to create distinct spaces. For example, ask your partner to play bartender and hand guests a welcoming drink, while your friend can be in charge of the barbecue or helping prepare the meal in the kitchen.

“This setup allows friends to mingle comfortably with those who enjoy your partner’s company, minimizing pressure for small talk if there’s tension,” she says.

You can also do what Shaklee refers to as “staging” your gatherings. “If some friends enjoy your partner’s company but others don’t, consider planning activities in stages,” she says. As an example, she suggests planning a girls’ afternoon of shopping and drinks. Then have the men meet up later for a concert. They’ll still be in attendance, but the live music will limit the chatter and the interaction between those who might not get along. “In the end, everyone can feel included, but it also limits the awkwardness,” she says.

Find common activities

Your partner and friends might share more interests than you think they do. Do some due diligence and find activities and hobbies that they both like. “Shared experiences can help build connections and ease tensions,” says Cheryl Groskopf, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles.

If they both like tennis, arrange a doubles tennis match and invite both groups along. If they both love cooking, host a make your own pizza night at your place or take a cooking class as a group. They may find something to bond over when chopping vegetables side by side.

Celebrate your partner’s interests

One way to make your partner feel welcome and to give your friends a taste of their interests is to organize an event centered around your partner’s passions or expertise. “For example, host a Derby Party if they’re into horse racing or host a small Oscars-watch party if they are a cinephile,” Shaklee says.

If they are studying to become a sommelier, you can gather a small group and do a wine tasting for them to educate a few friends. “Highlighting their interests can spark conversations and create a positive atmosphere where friends can appreciate your partner’s unique qualities,” Shaklee says.

Set boundaries

If you’ve tried and can’t seem to get your partner and friends to get along, you may just have to accept an imperfect situation. But that doesn’t mean both parties can’t be civil. “Ask your friends and your partner to be respectful and set boundaries as needed with each of them,” Trotter says.

For example, ask both parties to refrain from bad-mouthing one another to you. You can also ask that they respect your relationship and the fact that your friends and/or partner make you happy. In addition, ask that they support the time you spend with one another. See if they can do their best to find some common ground and, at the very least, not issue any “it’s them or me” ultimatums, Trotter says.

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