10 Ways Older Men Can Make Meaningful Connections

Older men are disproportionately vulnerable to loneliness, according to research. Men over 75 have the highest rate of suicide of all age groups in the U.S. — about 41 deaths per 100,000 men — which is nearly eight times the rate for women of the same age, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Here are some tools and techniques from our experts that may help.

Self-reflection

Take a few minutes to sit down and think about yourself and feeling lonely. Are you in touch with your feelings, and are you comfortable sharing them with at least one other person? Are you experiencing common signs of loneliness, like anxiety, sleep problems, anger toward others, excessive drinking or depression? Have you been through a major life-changing event, or are you questioning meaning and other existential issues? Whatever your emotions, never beat yourself up for feeling lonely, says psychiatrist Robert Garfield. Loneliness is a signal that you need connection.

Be proactive

Get ready to do something about your loneliness. Think about what will give you fulfillment. Men often struggle with this, says Dr. Ashwin Kotwal, an associate professor of medicine in the geriatrics division of the University of California, San Francisco School of Medicine. You will have to make the effort even if it's uncomfortable. And you will have to take some risks.

Small steps

Men tend to get overwhelmed when thinking about loneliness and struggle to find a perfect solution. There is none. The key to overcoming loneliness is lowering expectations and starting with small steps. Try to get into an “I’m going to try some things” frame of mind. The key is to start engaging, says Kotwal.

Renew and refresh longtime friendships

You may be disengaged from friends and people you’ve previously enjoyed. But the connection muscle can be revived. Think about people in your life whom you have been able to talk to about personal things, and contact them. It can be a call. Playing golf each week is terrific, but consider having a cup of coffee and talk time afterward. Try reconnecting with a longtime friend with whom you have a shared history. “These relationships are often decades old and include a backdrop of having a huge number of shared experiences and being part of the same generation,” says Garfield. 

Kotwal says, “You don’t have to have a team of emotional confidants. It’s much easier to preserve relationships then try to build new ones.”

Consider therapy

Research has shown that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help a man learn how to deal with loneliness. Diagnostic and therapeutic interventions for addressing loneliness can help self-esteem and mental well-being, promote social contacts and ultimately reduce depression and suicidal tendencies, thus improving the quality of life for older men.