What If I Live the Rest of My Life Alone?

If you’re worried about not having a partner in life, our experts have advice to make you feel a whole lot better

Ellen Uzelac,

AARP

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Published November 06, 2025

Kiersten Essenpreis

This week’s query is heartfelt and oh-so-common among older adults: a single reader who’s grappling with the idea of forever living alone. Our sexuality and relationship experts offer ways to cast the situation in a new light — and spell out some solutions.

How do you come to terms with the fact that you may live alone the rest of your life? I have not met that special someone since my divorce and am realizing I may never.

I love answering questions like yours. The big reveal here: That special someone is you. Here goes:

First off, reframe your question. Instead of thinking about how to “come to terms with living alone,” licensed marriage and family therapist Tameca N. Harris-Jackson suggests a new spin: “How do I build this next chapter in my life so that it represents the joy I want?”

Rather than concentrating on a special someone, Harris-Jackson, a certified sexuality educator, says to ask yourself: “How can I connect with the people I want to be around?”

This way, she says, you’re focusing on things that bring you joy rather than putting all your energy into finding someone. Why? “When we are in places filled with joy, we feel more alive, vibrant and confident.”

Do a reality check. After going through a divorce, certified sex therapist Amanda Pasciucco says, it’s not unusual to feel vulnerable. “This is common, very common,” she notes.

Here’s how Pasciucco explains it: “The fear of solitude can shake your sense of security — like you are incomplete all of a sudden.”

But, she wonders: “Why do we in our culture have this idea of being incomplete or not good enough until we are partnered? Nothing could be further from the truth.”

As Stella Harris, a certified mediator and relationship coach, bluntly puts it, “If your whole life revolves around one person, you are in trouble.”

And she urges you to reconsider your phrasing about living alone the rest of your life, noting, “Even if you never date or have a partner, why is that alone? What else is going on in your life?” In other words, who are you hanging out with, and what are you doing?

Take your power back. Certified sex therapist Shadeen Francis says we often forget that we can construct our own happy place.

She suggests that you do the following exercise: Think about how you’d like to live your life with this special someone — and get really specific. As examples: “I would love to go out to dinner once a week,” and “I want someone to share my secrets with,” and “I want to wake up next to someone in the morning.”

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Next, try to build a life that allows you to still live that way even if you don’t find one person to do all those things with. “Our lives can be full of much of what we want even if it doesn’t come from just one person,” Francis says.

Create a community. Even if you do want another partner, creating a support system with friends and community should be your first step, Harris says.

If you don’t have friends, make them, she adds. Ways to meet people: Join a travel or bird-watching group. Attend a ceramics class or a paint-and-sip night. Take tango lessons.

“A romantic partner is not the only way to not be alone,” she says.

If you’re interested in a romantic or sexual relationship …. If you are still looking for intimacy, Harris notes, “you can go on a romantic dinner date with someone who is not ‘the one.’ If that’s the energy you want, you can do these things casually without every date auditioning as the next spouse.”

Plus, Francis says there are special relationships you can cultivate for romance and sex. “Maybe this isn’t your soulmate — but if you care, respect and honor each other’s needs and agreements, this person can be that thing for you.”

Make room for your grief. Some of what you are feeling right now may be less about the future and more about the present, Francis notes.

“It sounds like you may have more grieving to do about the end of your marriage,” she says. “Everyone’s grief is different, but what helps is having people you can talk to about your feelings.”

Francis urges you to allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that may come up — anger, fear, jealousy of others who seem happy. She says it can be helpful to talk to a therapist if your friends are uncomfortable in that role — or journaling if you have a hard time opening up about your loss with others.

The bottom line. Fulfillment is something you build; it’s not something a special someone hands you, says Pasciucco.

“There are thriving singles out there,” she adds. “If you find someone, great. But take the time to enjoy your own company.”

Do you have questions about sex or relationships as a 50-plus adult? Send them to sexafter50@aarp.org.

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