25 Great Ways to Ease Relationship Stress

NIP STRESS IN THE BUD

11. Revisit shared interests

If stress is leading you to drift apart, try establishing a “connection anchor,” advises Morton. “Identify one small thing you still enjoy doing together, like watching a particular show, doing a puzzle or even grocery shopping. Protect that shared activity from conflict so the relationship has one place to safely rest and rebuild.”

12. Explore new hobbies and routines

If revisiting shared interests doesn’t work, find new ones. Try cooking, mixology, gardening or dancing, for example, or learn to play a new game like mah-jongg, cribbage, gin rummy or poker. “Learning something new introduces a fun, shared activity,” says Tammy Shaklee, founder of H4M Matchmaking. Even just establishing new habits can be transformative, she says. “Reimagine your mornings; maybe play soft music, sip coffee together and take in the sounds of nature on a walk. Unplug from what no longer serves you, and replace it with habits that deepen connection.”

13. Ask how you can help

Clarify what people need from you, says Jenny Bradley, a family law specialist and author of My Journey Through Other People’s Lives. “Stress makes us assume we know what the other person wants, and we’re usually wrong,” she says. “Sometimes your partner just wants to vent about the broken printer or their annoying sibling. Ask, ‘Do you want me to fix this or just listen?’ Nine times out of 10, they’ll say, ‘Listen.’ ”

14. Rehearse good communication

When it comes to healthy interactions, practice makes perfect, points out Rodsky, who says touchy subjects — anything that will catch the other person off guard and perhaps provoke a defensive reaction — are best discussed when tempers are cool instead of red-hot. “Practice communication when emotion is low and cognition is high,” she suggests. “Do not give [sensitive] feedback in the moment. Instead, establish communication check-ins where you bring an agenda, and set a timer — no more than 15 minutes per check-in. The brevity helps get buy-in.”

15. Assume the best

Try to drop the habit of attributing problems with other people to dark motives, recommends Michelle Harris, a licensed clinical social worker and author of The Stress Factor. “When someone says something that rubs you the wrong way, pause and think, They probably didn’t mean harm,” she says. “This mindset shift keeps things from escalating.”

16. Keep track of kindness

Be a cheerleader instead of a scorekeeper, says Bradley, reflecting on her experience with couples who “can list every grievance going back 10 years but not one recent act of kindness.” If you’re going to keep a mental list, “make it one full of things your partner did right,” she says. “Gratitude doesn’t erase stress, but it definitely softens the sharp edges.”

17. Create community

If you’re constantly in conflict with a friend or partner, it might be because you’re leaning too heavily on them. “Many of us were raised on the ideal of the nuclear family, where one person is expected to complete us. But relationship science shows this is flawed,” says Franco. She emphasizes that our distinct desires for intimacy, friendship and becoming part of a larger, purpose-driven group require more than one person to fulfill them: “If you try to replace a community with a single person, you may end up feeling deeply lonely.”

18. Take care of yourself

The solution to relationship stress is often self-care, says Reid-Vanas. “Our ability to handle relationship challenges improves when we take care of ourselves physically and emotionally. That means move, rest and fuel our bodies to help us show up better in our relationships.”

19. Let people evolve

Relationship stress might be a symptom of growing pains. “Sometimes we get stuck seeing others as who they were, not who they are now,” says Harris. “This is especially common in parent-child dynamics. Practicing curiosity over criticism can relieve tension and open the door to healthier connections.”

DIG OUT OF STRESSFUL SITUATIONS

20. Speak your feelings

When you sense an argument brewing or otherwise notice your emotions escalating, share what you’re feeling instead of repressing it, recommends Eisenberg, who encourages individuals to “empty the emotional jug” before attempting to resolve conflict. Acknowledging negative emotions like anger, fear and sadness allows you to consciously reach for positive alternatives like appreciation and love, he says. It also “helps avoid ‘emotional allergies’ — when past wounds trigger outsize present-day reactions — and creates emotional safety,” he adds.

21. Say ‘I’ instead of ‘you’

Finger-pointing triggers defensiveness and shuts down communication, says Mazer, who suggests the well-known conversational approach of emphasizing your reaction to your partner’s actions instead of just describing the behavior that bothers you. “Shifting to ‘I feel’ statements puts the focus on your own experience rather than attacking your partner,” she says. “This kind of language helps lower the emotional temperature and also builds self-awareness and accountability.”

22. Take a breather

When discussions become “circular, sharp or triggering,” take a time-out, advises couples therapist Thomas Westenholz, cohost of the podcast Couples in Focus. “Research shows we can’t connect when in a defensive state,” he says. “Taking space to regulate leads to better emotional access.” If you’re having trouble listening, take a “compassion lap,” Nouhi suggests. “When you’re fuming, walk around the block with one question in mind: What might they be going through that I don’t know? Even imagined answers reduce stress.”

23. Really listen

“When conflicts arise, hear what the other person is saying instead of preparing your response,” says Reid-Vanas. “Work to understand their perspective even if you disagree with it. Doing this helps to lower stress, re-grounds people and helps them move forward together.”

24. Choose a safe word

Create a meaningful safe word that you can use to quickly put cold water on heated conversations, Nouhi suggests. “Agree on a word or thing you both like that signals, ‘I’m at my limit and need a break,’” she says. “It gives you both a shared tool for de-escalation.”

25. Practice forgiveness

Relationships that don’t bend will break, says psychologist Steven Sultanoff, an adjunct professor of psychology at California’s Pepperdine University. Forgiveness keeps relationships supple, he adds. “We all are always doing the best we can, given the circumstances of our lives. Forgiveness allows us to move forward in all relationships where there has been a violation.”