Burdened By Overthinking? Consider This One Incredible Hack!

Its power to act as an elixir for my troubles is unparalleled

Anonymous,

AARP

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Published January 15, 2025

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Laura Liedo

Welcome to Ethels Tell All, where the writers behind The Ethel newsletter share their personal stories related to the joys and challenges of aging. Come back each Wednesday for the latest piece, exclusively on AARP Members Edition.

I’m a chronic overthinker, especially when it comes to my kids, friendships, family ties or stressful situations in the workplace. I am constantly thinking and rethinking to the point of mental fatigue and emotional weariness.

I’ve read enough self-help lit and had enough therapy to understand most of my perceived problems with others exist only in my head.

Years ago, I realized I needed to end a friendship with a close friend. It took me years to admit to myself that the friendship did not work for me, and two more years to gather the courage and resolve to talk to my friend about my feelings. During those two years I was plagued by overthinking my feelings and their validity and the best way to approach the situation.

By the time I disclosed this to my friend, she was floored by my list of grievances, and though she understood where I was coming from, she couldn’t get past the fact that I waited two years to talk to her.

Instead of letting my frustrations build to the point I wanted out of the friendship, she wished I would’ve talked to her in real time when she’d done something upsetting rather than silently fume until I couldn’t contain my anxiety.

This is just one example of the many ways I tend to overthink and get stuck instead of finding ways to effectively deal and move forward. Thankfully, I found a surprising way to circumvent getting caught in this cycle again.

I was listening to a podcast in which a dynamo of a lady living her best life in her 80s revealed the secret to her next-level health and happiness. What rang loudly in my ears was her suggestion to combat loneliness (along with whatever else may ail you) by volunteering for hospice.

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She’d been doing so for 45 years and swore by its unparalleled power to work as an elixir for her troubles.

Timing is everything, as I heard her suggestion at a point when I knew I needed an infusion of something bigger than myself. I did a quick internet search of hospice organizations in my area, called the one that topped the search results and began the process of training to work with patients.

From the first point of contact with my volunteer coordinator, I knew I’d found gold at the end of a rainbow. From the top-notch professionalism and compassion displayed by the staff to the instant new community of fellow volunteers, it was clear I’d found a worthy place to spend my time and energy.

What I didn’t expect is that in partnering with hospice and volunteering with people who are transitioning from life to death, I found a way to curb my overthinking. I stopped getting bogged down by problems that loom large — but only in my own head.

My first patient was a kind widower whose only request was for a ride to the cemetery once a week to visit his beloved wife's gravesite. This quickly evolved into a stop at his favorite drive-through coffee shop on the way home.

Eventually, he became more trusting that he was not a burden, and at my urging, he began to ask for help with errands and appointments as well. Before our time together ended, we’d become friends who had lunch, went to a holiday concert and spent a happy hour together.

When my patient and I showed each other family photos or told stories about our lives, it wasn’t possible to simultaneously obsess over my own issues. Whatever was happening in my personal life took a back seat to connecting with another human in need of support.

Once I realized time spent volunteering meant less time overthinking and less time feeling disconnected or lonely inside my relationships, I began to cherish the absence of obsessive thoughts. A mind free of constant worry and conjecture is a mind free to connect with others in meaningful ways that gives a boost to all parties.

And when I lose a patient that I loved? Hospice is not a time of crisis but of peaceful transition. You work with a patient knowing the time with them will eventually come to an end. It can be sad when they pass, but I wind up grateful for the time spent together.

I crave alone time. When I’m alone, I never feel lonely. But I often feel lonely in the company of friends and family. Relationships can be tricky and full of unmet or unreasonable expectations. Through volunteering, I’ve come to understand there is no reason to endure loneliness, no matter the cause. There are people out there waiting for someone to come alongside them and simply witness their lives.

Whether you’d like to offer support by direct patient contact, or by organizing monthly mailers or delivering prescription drugs, there’s a way for you to plug into hospice.

Each hospice organization has a plethora of ways to give of your time. It can be on-site greeting visitors, making cookies for the family waiting room or delivering donated flowers to patients. The list of ways to participate is long and does not have to involve direct patient contact — there’s something for everyone.

Onboarding at my hospice involved an introductory meeting with the volunteer coordinator. Next was a drug test and background check. The training consisted of one full day of in-person group instruction and the completion of 18 hours of online short video instruction with quizzes.

My organization asks for roughly one to two hours a week as a guideline, but they are happy with any time you can give. There is no pressure, only gratitude for participation.

My current patient lost their independence because of their diagnosis and can no longer drive. So once a week, I get the pleasure of driving them to the store or the bank or the post office. We’re getting to know each other and enjoying the respite that exists in connecting with someone in an unexpected way over an unexpected life circumstance. And while we do that, blessedly, it’s the only thing on my mind.

AARP essays share a point of view in the author’s voice, drawn from expertise or experience, and do not necessarily reflect the views of AARP.

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