10 Dating Tips From Senior Dating Influencers

“At 50-plus, we can redesign how we consider our relationships,” adds Suzanne Noble, 63, who runs a podcast and TikTok channel with 153k followers called Sex Advice for Seniors. She says to liberate yourself from the societal expectations of what a partner needs to be and consider instead what you want at this stage of life. “It’s far easier, for instance, to find someone that simply wants to meet up on the weekends, than a full on, live-together relationship,” says Noble, who lives in London.

Photo Collage: AARP; (Source: Courtesy of Suzanne Noble; Getty Images (3)

And you may not be looking for a second or third marriage anyway. Damona Hoffman, a celebrity dating coach with 24k loyal Instagram followers, author of F the Fairy Tale and host of The Dates & Mates Podcast, gets real about ditching the dating stereotypes. “Sometimes we buy into the fairy tale and think we should always be in pursuit of marriage and the white picket fence, but our needs for a relationship change as we get older, and sometimes that can also broaden our dating pool,” she says. But you can also choose to live apart, have an open relationship commitment without a goal of marriage, or any number of options that align with your lifestyle.

Don’t overshare about the past

While you’ll inevitably ask each other questions in the initial chatting phase, try to steer the conversation away from past relationships. “If you're over 50, you probably have lots of exes to talk about,” Hoffman says. “There's nothing worse than commiserating with someone sexy over crazy exes and wondering if that's how they'll talk about you next.”

If a potential date asks about your divorce or why your last relationship ended, get in and get out. “Just flirtatiously turn the conversation back to them,” Hoffman says. A good rule of thumb that influencer Grandma D swears by is “If he still talks to his ex, watch out, because life is too short for more drama.”

Watch out for romance scams

In the era of scammers, catfishing is a very real threat. In 2023 alone, romance scammers stole $277 million from daters over 60. “There’s lots of research to support the idea that when the brain is assaulted with a delicious cocktail of love hormones, it actually has a hard time discerning and it experiences many delusions,” Walsh says. This, she explains, is a perfect condition for a romance scammer to swoop in and ask for money.

The most common scam she sees is when online daters establish a relationship, gain a victim’s trust, make excuses about why they can’t meet in person, then make up a reason for needing money, like helping a sick family member. “The best rule to follow is that nothing is real until you meet in person,” says Orna Walters, a 58-year-old dating coach, who together with her husband, Matthew, 57, break down the intricacies of a romantic connection on their blog and Instagram account. She tells clients to not invest emotionally until they’ve met with someone in-person several times.

Be suspicious about unsolicited texts or emails, limit what details you share when getting to know someone virtually, be wary of sending money and ultimately listen to your gut. If something feels off, it probably is!

Try new things … and types of partners

Consider choosing fresh places for your dates, says May Hui Bugenhagen, a professional matchmaker who goes by Matchmaker. May, 52, who splits her time between Los Angeles and Colorado Springs, Colorado, and uses her Instagram to discuss everything from identifying gold diggers to dating as an Asian American.

“Avoid revisiting spots that remind you of the past, as it’s important to embrace new experiences without comparisons,” she says. “Instead, focus on building new memories together and enjoying the journey ahead.” And don’t be afraid to give new people a try. “There’s always the temptation to go for your type, but if your type hasn’t worked out, it’s valuable to expand your horizons and try new people on for size,” says Evan Marc Katz, a 52-year-old dating coach for older women with 31k Instagram followers who discusses everything from dating anxiety to facing rejection in the dating world.

Photo Collage: AARP; (Source: Starla Fortunato; Getty Images (3))

Don’t compare

“It’s tempting to compare a new partner to a previous spouse or significant other,” says McCusker. But dwelling in the past, she says, can lead you down a path of never finding someone good enough for your present. This can be especially important for those divorced or widowed, where it’s natural to compare a new partner to an ex. “Instead, embrace the unique qualities of your current relationship and allow it to stand on its own.”

“The relationships we develop later in life deserve to be appreciated for what they are rather than for the ways in which they differ from prior experiences we’ve had,” says Alexandra Solomon, founder of the Institute for Relational Self-Awareness, who talks about how to handle the emotional impact of dating to her 221k Instagram followers. “Celebrate the differences between then and now rather than trying to figure out what is better/worse about the relationship you’re building in this era.”

Cut to the chase

Some people talk and talk and talk through online dating apps but if you meet someone virtually, it’s best to move things along.

“Here’s the biggest mistake that mature single people make on dating apps,” Walsh says. “They start a texting relationship, they get into very intimate topics and share way too much of themselves before they’ve met the person in real life.” Dating apps, she says, should be called meeting apps, with the goal of jumping on the phone, then meeting in real life quickly after matching. “Don’t let your fantasies run away with you by having a full-on relationship on the app,” Walsh says.

And try moving things along with some more forward texting. “Many of my clients over 50 don't use text as their primary mode of communication but when you're dating strangers, you have to get comfortable with it, because if you can't text flirtatiously, you'll never get offline,” Hoffman says. She urges clients to use emojis to clarify their tone and intent and to try a “less is more” approach to inspire quicker responses. “The back-and-forth volleys build connection and momentum to move to the date,” she says.

The same goes for getting someone’s number in passing if you’re out and about. You don’t want to just become a texting buddy.

Photo Collage: AARP; (Source: David Carlson; Getty Images (3)

Pump the brakes

“There’s always a temptation to tell yourself that you’re older and have less time, so you have to lock things in fast,” Katz says. But there’s a reason, he says, that as many as two out of three second marriages end in divorce. “It’s because people tend to think they’re wiser in love when they’re often not.” He suggests dating for a few years before you remarry to avoid becoming another statistic.

This is what Walsh did when she embraced dating over 50. “I met my husband on Bumble when I was 58 and he was 62,” she reveals. “After four years together, we recently got married. We didn’t rush things.”

One way to embrace this? “Approach dating with the mindset that there is no shortage of potential partners who align with your values, and typically you are only looking to have a relationship with one person,” McCusker says. Scarcity thinking, she says, leads to settling or compromising on what truly matters. 

Date safely

If you meet online, it’s always a good idea to video-chat before meeting up. “A video call can help verify a person’s identity and give you a better sense of their demeanor," McCusker says. “Have fun and set up a Zoom date!”

When heading out with someone for the first time, it’s also important to arrange first dates in busy, well-lit public areas. “Let a friend or family member know where you’ll be,” McCusker says. She also recommends driving yourself to and from the meeting location rather than agreeing to have your date pick you up at your home.

And if sex is involved, use protection. “Even if you don’t need to protect yourself from unintended pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections are a real concern for older adults,” Solomon says. Before you become sexual with a new partner, talk about your health statuses, and come up with a plan for how you will practice safe sex.