Gene Hackman and Wife’s Tragic Deaths Are a Reminder: Caregivers Get Sick, Too

How other families can respond to a crisis — or head one off

Kim Painter,

Updated March 10, 2025

AARP

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En español

Published June 02, 2023

/ Updated March 10, 2025

Betsy Arakawa was a dedicated caregiver to her husband, Gene Hackman.

Mark J. Terrill/AP Photo

When the news broke that Oscar-winning actor Gene Hackman, 95, and his wife and caregiver, Betsy Arakawa, 65, had mysteriously died in their New Mexico home on Feb. 26, family, friends and fans were left reeling and wondering the cause. But the story took an even more tragic turn when the subsequent investigation revealed Friday that Hackman died of heart disease and advanced Alzheimer’s disease a full week after his wife died of hantavirus in their home.

Sadly, the couple’s death serves as a wake-up call: Family caregivers get injured and sick, too. They have heart attacks and strokes; they get cancer and dementia; they get sidelined by flu, COVID-19 and broken bones. That is why it is critical that caregivers, even those who cherish their privacy, don’t go it alone.

Ideally, families have backup plans “B, C, D and E” to deal with those realities, says Crystal Polizzotti, director of the Family Caregiver Support Program at AgeSpan, a private, nonprofit agency in Massachusetts. Often, she says, they don’t.

That means a caregiver’s new diagnosis or developing health problems may focus a family anew or for the first time on building stronger supports, she and other experts say.

Here are some of their recommendations for families in that situation — and families who want to be prepared before a crisis arises.

Assess your village

Caregiving should never be a one-person job, says Ailene Gerhardt, a patient advocate in Brookline, Massachusetts. “Caregiving is extraordinarily stressful and impacts people’s health, even when they are doing just fine,” she says. So it’s essential to ask for help and to divide up tasks. Someone can deal with insurers and hospitals; someone else can buy groceries and pick up prescriptions. Even a family member who lives far away can log onto a loved one’s telemedicine visit, says Lisa Winstel, caregiving program manager at the AARP Foundation and former chief operating officer at the Caregiver Action Network. (It’s legal, she says, if the patient consents.) And helpers can, and often must, come from outside the family, Gerhardt says.

Schedule regular check-ins

Caregiving can be extremely isolating. Many family caregivers are alone with their loved ones day after day. Establishing a regular check-in schedule is essential for caregivers and care recipients to ensure their safety – whether family or friends live nearby or far away. AARP vice president of family caregiving and health programs, Bob Stephen advises, “A phone call or video chat are the best options because it allows you to hear their voices or see them and understand better the overall health and wellness of your loved one and their caregiver.” However, even a quick text each morning saying “all is well” can provide peace of mind. Having someone local who can check on caregivers and their loved ones in person is key if they don’t send or answer regular communications.

AARP family caregiving expert Amy Goyer adds that technology devices, apps and services can also help with daily check-ins.

Telephone reassurance programs are often provided free by the police department, area agency on aging or local senior service providers. There are also fee-based services such as IamFine, Carecheckers, CARE Call Reassurance and Callgivers. They offer daily calls, either from live trained volunteers or agents or computer-generated. If the caregiver or care recipient picks up the phone, the computer assumes all is well. If the phone isn’t picked up after repeated tries, then a designated person is called, usually a neighbor or family member who can check on them in person. If no one is reached who can do that, the police are sent for a welfare check.
Smartphone apps such as Snug Safety, Checkin Bee and Elder Check Now text, call or notify people to go to the app for a daily check-in. Caregivers or care recipients can text back “Yes” or another designated option. If a response isn’t received, neighbors, friends or family members are alerted.
Strategically placed video cameras, motion detectors and automated fall detectors can be monitored from a distance via medical alert and monitoring systems, security systems or individual devices. They help family members stay informed and assured that caregivers and care recipients are healthy and safe. Automatic fall detection can also contact emergency services immediately, which would have notified authorities immediately when Mr. Hackman’s wife fell and didn’t get up.
Smart speaker apps such as Ask My Buddy, My SOS Family or Alexa Emergency Assist for devices such as Amazon Echo, Google Home or Apple HomePod, make it possible for a caregiver or care recipient to call out for help from anywhere in the home where a speaker can pick up their voice. Some will contact a designated family member or friend; others will call 911.

Learn about community resources

There may be more help than you think, at little or no cost to you, within your community, Polizzotti says. Your area agency on aging (AAA) can connect you with services such as health aides, housekeeping help, meals assistance and caregiver support groups, she says. (Her employer, AgeSpan, is an AAA.) Faith groups and chapters of advocacy groups such as the American Cancer Society and the Alzheimer’s Association can also provide leads, Gerhardt says. Veterans can get help from the Department of Veterans Affairs, she adds. Your medical team, including doctors, nurses and hospital social workers, also can make referrals, the experts say.

Set up a command center

Every caregiving household should have a single place, such as a binder kept on a kitchen counter, for essential information such as medication lists, provider contacts and outlines of daily routines, says Jennifer Crowley, a registered nurse and life care planner in Kalispell, Montana. Ideally, she says, medications and other daily supplies are kept in the same area.

Update your paperwork

If the primary caregiver is listed as a health care and financial decision-maker on official documents, make sure those documents also list people who can take over those duties if needed, Polizzotti says. She suggests consulting an elder law attorney. Many older people qualify for free services, she says. Also, make sure others on your caregiving team have access to crucial online accounts and passwords, Winstel says.

Take care of yourself

“Caregivers notoriously forget to take care of themselves,” Winstel says, worsening existing health problems and missing chances to prevent new ones. So, she says, “Don’t forget your flu shot. Get your mammogram. … Don’t deprioritize your own health.”

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Kim Painter is a contributing writer who specializes in health and psychology. She frequently writes for AARP's Staying Sharp and previously worked as a health reporter and columnist at USA Today.

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