Should You Move Your Parents into Your Home?

5 questions to ask before sharing a home with your loved ones

Bonnie Rochman,

Updated January 24, 2025

AARP

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En español

Published January 22, 2018

/ Updated January 24, 2025

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If you’re beginning to wonder if your parents are safe living on their own — perhaps you’ve noticed they are having trouble driving or taking care of themselves — you’re not alone.

Half of Americans over 50 are caregivers and the majority of them are looking after their parents according to the University of Michigan’s National Poll on Health Aging. Though most of us want to age in our own homes, AARPs “The Journey of Aging” report finds that more Americans than ever are sharing homes: 67 million adults over 18 live in a multi-generation house, a 272 percent increase over the last decade.

If you are considering whether your parent should move in with you — or whether you should move in with your parent — you first need to have a candid conversation about the needs, preferences and concerns of everyone involved. “These are intensely personal decisions that families need to weigh,” says Kathleen Unroe, M.D., a geriatrician and scientist at the Center for Aging Research at Indiana University.

Asking these five questions can give you the information you need to navigate any transition.

1. Are you ready for change?

If your parents require hands-on care, your priorities and the way you spend your time may evolve — caregivers give on average 18 hours of unpaid work, according to a 2023 AARP survey. “You need to understand your own boundaries, capabilities and capacities and what you can change about your own life to make this work,” Unroe says.

Coordinating everything from meals to medical appointments can cause stress, says Francesca Falzarano, an assistant professor of gerontology at the University of Southern California. About 60 percent of caregivers report struggling with their emotional health as they try to balance family, work and caregiving responsibilities according to AARP’s “A Look at Caregivers Mental Health.”

What you can do:

Talk to your family. Have a meeting with your spouse and kids so everyone can air their concerns about how their life will change and talk about ways they might handle different situations.

Set up support. “I recommend that people have a support network in place,” says Unroe. “As your parents’ needs become more demanding, you don’t want your own well-being to suffer.”

In addition to relying on friends, you may want to consider joining a support group either online or in person.

More and more workplaces also offer employee resource groups dedicated to caregiving. You may want to check if one exists or consider starting one.

Check for available services. Assess services in your area. Look into the availability of adult day care centers which can provide your loved one with meals, counseling and therapeutic activities. If you are providing full-time care in your home, research local respite or companion services so you will be able to get a break when you need it.

2. Is your family ready to make a plan?

Talking about changing their living situation isn’t easy. But if you want your loved one to approach this change with a positive attitude, they will need to feel they are making a deliberate choice, says Mary Kay Buysse, co-executive director of the National Association of Senior & Specialty Move Managers.

How to approach family talks:

List your goals. Talk about your concerns for your loved one’s safety and well-being. Let your loved one talk about how they feel.

Be clear about the needs you anticipate. Find out what your siblings are willing to contribute. You may need help with chores, meals, grocery and prescription pickup.

Consider a mediator. Acknowledging that your parent requires help and will likely need more in the future can be difficult for all. It may be helpful to bring in someone from outside such as a minister, social worker or one of your loved one’s closest friends. An elder mediator or a family therapist who specializes in geriatric issues are other options.

Talk to a senior move manager. These professionals not only organize moves but walk your loved one through both the practical and emotional hurdles that come with relocating.

3. Can your house accommodate your loved one’s needs?

“The number one question you have to ask is, ‘Is this logistically possible with the physical space I have?’” Unroe says. Some accommodations, can be as simple as buying a shower chair. But other accommodations, such as ramps or staircase lifts, may be more complex, and expensive.

And how would you divide the living space? Some families are able to join households by adding an addition or building an ADU (accessory dwelling unit) on their property.

Get Help. Help Others.

AARP's Family Caregivers Discussion Group is a private Facebook group where caregivers can seek support and offer support to others. AARP also has an online caregiving community where caregivers can interact with other caregivers.

How to assess modifications:

Get expert advice. A certified aging-in-place (CAPS) contractor, which you can find through the National Association of Home Builders, or an occupational therapist can help plan your space and price out solutions. AARP has a HomeFit program with information about modifying your home.

Consider costs. If your home needs major renovations, can you afford to shoulder the expense of adapting the space? If the cost is beyond your means, can your parents or siblings pitch in? You may qualify for state and Medicare programs which can help defray costs.

4. How will everyday expenses be handled?

Think not only about how you will handle any retrofits done to your home, but how everyday expenses will be handled. Three out of four caregivers have out-of-pocket expenses, spending on average $7,242 on caregiving activities according to AARP’s Out-of-Pocket Costs survey.

How to figure out a plan:

Determine likely expenses. Walk through a typical week, starting at 8 am Monday morning, suggests Buysse, this should give you a sense of what expenses may arise. If your parents bring their pet, do you need to hire a dogwalker? Will they be relying on you for transportation? Or will they use rideshares?

Discuss sharing costs. If you need to hire a home health aide, who will shoulder those costs? Will any siblings be contributing time or money?

5. What’s the plan for transitioning into a new social life?

Relocating tends to go smoother when aging parents have a plan for remaining socially engaged Buysse says. Do you live in a community that is livable for all ages? Will your parents be able to walk to activities or is there a transportation network available?

What you can do:

Find local communities. If your loved one will be relocating to another state, line up some plans to help them get involved in a religious organizations, club or volunteer opportunities. Visit a nearby senior center for information on classes and programs.

AARP also has a virtual community center with history lectures, fitness routines and other live online events that may help them feel engaged.

Consider the positives

Although combining families can be stressful, it can also be incredibly rewarding as parents become a regular presence in your kid’s lives. “This is one reason they’re here — they want to go watch their grandson’s baseball games,” Unroe says.

And it can enrich your life as well. AARP found more than 80 percent of caregivers reported caregiving gave them a sense of purpose and made them feel good about themselves. Falzarano, who cared for both her parents at home, can attest to those rewards “I wear that experience like a badge of honor,” she says.

More resources from AARP

AARP has a toll-free caregiver support line where staff will guide you to resources. Call 1-877-333-5885 (or 1-888-971-2013 for help in Spanish), Monday-Friday, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. ET.
AARP’s initiative with United Way connects caregivers to help in their state or community. Check out the online family resource guides with directories of services or call 211 for advice.

This article, originally published in 2018, has been redone by a new writer using new research and experts.

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Bonnie Rochman is a health and science writer based Seattle, Washington, and the author of The Gene Machine. She is the former parenting columnist at Time Magazine, you can also see her work in The Wall Street Journal and O, The Magazine.