How Caregivers Can Help When Personal Hygiene Is a Problem

A bidet seat, attached to a standard toilet, can be a “miracle,” Young says. These devices spray the bottom clean. Many can adjust water temperatures and pressures.

Shower chairs. A chair with a removable center can help caregivers reach hard-to-clean areas, Goyer says.

Make the bathroom safer

Making the bathroom safer and more inviting can make maintaining personal cleanliness easier for both caregiver and their loved ones.

Installing a curbless shower is ideal if you can afford it, says Goyer. But there are other less expensive ways to improve safety.

• Add a nonskid mat in the tub or shower for a quick safety upgrade.
• Lower water temperature on the water heater to prevent scalding.
• Add bright lighting for better visibility.
• Change to a handheld shower hose to make washing easier.
• Install grab bars to prevent falls and to help people with mobility challenges stand, sit and make other transitions.

You can't have too many grab bars, says Goyer.

Balance safety with independence

Sometimes, caregivers take over hygiene tasks for impaired older adults in the name of safety or effectiveness, Toto and Young say.

But, whenever possible, “guiding and supporting rather than taking over for them,” is best, Young says.

For example, someone who needs help in the shower may be able to wash their genital and anal areas if the caregiver hands them a soapy washcloth. 

The less people do for themselves, the less they are able to do over time, Toto and Young says.

Protect yourself, physically and mentally

“There’s a lot of squatting and bending over involved in this kind of personal care,” and caregivers can get injured, says Goyer, who has cared for multiple family members.

Goyer took up Pilates to strengthen her core muscles and wore a back brace when she was caring for her late father, who had Alzheimer’s disease.

Dealing with urine and feces also can be emotionally trying, Goyer says.

Sometimes, says Goyer, it helps “to look at is as if I’m performing a medical task, like I’m a professional … it doesn't mean I have to become hardened and not feel emotions. It’s just that there’s a need and I’m meeting the need.”

What to know about incontinence products

If you are new to the world of incontinence, it can be overwhelming, says nursing professor Heather Young. The supermarket aisle for absorbent pads and adult briefs “now is longer than the feminine hygiene aisle,” she says.

A few tips:

Consider what's causing the problem. Toto had one client who kept urinating in his pants — because, as it turned out, the jeans he’d worn all his life took too long to unfasten. A switch to sweatpants solved his problem.

Assess level of need. “Use the least amount of products you need,” Young says. “If someone has slight leaks when they cough, they don’t need a massive pad.”

But sometimes, a maximal approach is best. AARP caregiving expert Amy Goyer says her late father needed a brief stuffed with pads on all sides — a “Michelin Man” look — to stay dry at night.

Bargain shopping is worthwhile. Savvy caregivers stock up at big box discount stores or look for bargains online, Goyer says.

Washable padded underwear works for some people, but it also is much pricier than regular underwear, says former caregiver Michele Merfeld Hale of Columbia, Missouri.

Where to turn for help

If you are exhausted or can’t solve a problem, “don’t wait until you are in a dire situation to ask for help,” Young says. Try asking professionals for assistance.

Nurses. Some primary care practices have nurses who can offer advice, Young says.

Occupational therapy. A doctor also can make a referral to an occupational therapist who works with people at home, Toto says.

Home health aides. If you are ready to consider home health aides, your Area Agency on Aging (AAA) can help find providers.

Adult day care centers near you may offer bathing services. Your AAA can help locate one and may know about free or reduced cost options.

Hale recently hired an aide to help with her husband’s personal care. She gives herself credit for doing so well on her own for so long: “I’m thankful that I’m a fairly creative person and a good problem solver.”

AARP resources

Livable Communities HomeFit guides have ideas on adjustments to make your house safe to age in place.

Toll-free caregiver support line has agents who can guide you to resources. The lines are staffed Monday-Friday, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. ET at 1-877-333-5885, or in Spanish at 1-888-971-2013

Partnership with United Way connects caregivers to help in their state or community. Check out the online family resource guides with directories of services or call 211 for advice.

Family Caregivers Discussion Group is a private Facebook group moderated by AARP caregiving expert Amy Goyer. Caregivers can seek support and offer support to others online.

This story, published in 2022, has been updated with additional information about AARP resources.