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She Lost Her Retirement to a Romance Scam. An AARP Support Group Restored Her Faith in People

AARP’s Fraud Watch Network offers victims understanding and a safe place to heal

Deirdre van Dyk,

AARP

Published July 31, 2026

a person on a phone falling for a romance scam

James Boast

Key takeaways

After her retirement savings were stolen in a military romance scam, one woman found support through AARP’s Fraud Watch Network.
The network’s peer support groups for victims and loved ones to share their emotional struggles.
The groups meet online and are led by trained facilitators, many of whom have personal experience with fraud.

Pam P. just thought it would be nice to have a date for her daughter’s wedding when she signed up for an online dating site.

After connecting with someone through the site, he convinced her to communicate through text. He told her he was a lonely military officer serving in a war zone. They texted often and she felt close to him, worrying when he described facing dangerous situations. When he asked to borrow money, which he promised to pay back, Pam, whose relatives had served in the military, agreed to help.

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At first, he asked for $2,500, but the requests kept coming, for ever greater amounts. Eventually, she used her retirement savings, then re-mortgaged her house all in an effort to lend money to a person she thought was in dire need.

Pam’s son-in-law wanted to know who Pam was spending so much time talking to and did some sleuthing. He realized the person Pam had been texting with for all those months — and who was skillfully manipulating her — was not who he said he was.

Pam, who is a successful professional in her late 50s, had been the victim of a military romance scam. AARP is not using her last name, to protect her from being targeted by other scammers.

“I initially felt like I was dumped in this vat of ice water,” says Pam, who is from New England. “Like all of the life energy that I had was just all of a sudden drained.”

Pam was shocked as well as financially devastated. She couldn’t bring herself to tell her family that he wasn’t just an impostor but a criminal who stole her savings. She worried her family would question her ability to handle her finances; she was too embarrassed to share what was going on with friends and didn’t want coworkers to doubt her abilities.

But she needed someone to talk to who would understand and wouldn’t pass judgment. During an online search for support, Pam came across the AARP Fraud Watch Network (FWN), which offers guidance to fraud victims. The FWN has a free national helpline and offers online peer support groups to provide long-term assistance.

When Pam joined the virtual support sessions, she initially spent most of the time crying. Then she was able to be honest about the impact — both emotional and financial — of the scam. She shared that she was in debt. The people in the group showed her empathy and kindness and often reminded her it wasn’t her fault, that she’d been a victim of crime.

“The support group was one of the few places where I really felt whole,” Pam says. “The experience gave me hope in humanity again because so much of the time I was thinking, I don't know how human beings can do this to each other.”

A Safe Space to Share

Pam isn’t alone in having money stolen in this kind of crime. Last year, Americans age 60 and older reported losses of $7.7 billion to fraud — a 60 percent increase from the year before, according to the FBI’s 2025 Internet Crime Report.

Like Pam, many fraud victims often feel judged by others, ashamed or full of self-loathing, says Liz Buser, senior advisor, Fraud Prevention Programs, who comanages AARP’s peer support group program.

“We give them a safe space to navigate through the emotional impact … because it's often even more devastating than the financial toll,” she says.

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Each week, the FWN schedules 11 meetings participants can sign up for in advance, with 10 to 15 available spots per meeting.“We want to make sure every participant has an opportunity to talk about what they're going through,” Buser says.

The 16 current facilitators who volunteer to lead the groups all have some connection to fraud. They may already be volunteers on the FWN helpline, or they may have been victims of fraud themselves. All go through a background check and several weeks of training, Buser says.

Before joining a session, prospective participants fill out an online application form to ensure the program will fit their needs. Once approved, they have a brief orientation session where they learn the group rules: Cameras must be on, and no one in the group should exchange emails or talk outside the sessions. This is to prevent criminals from retargeting people who have already been victims of fraud, Buser says.

For Pam, entering the online support group “and seeing all those faces in those boxes and just saying, ‘I feel worn out this week’ offered comfort.” After being victimized, she often felt numb and lethargic, and a doctor diagnosed her with post-traumatic stress disorder.

That’s not unusual for victims of romance scams. The emotional manipulation they’ve endured can make it hard to find their footing again, says Amy Nofziger, senior director of victim support at AARP’s Fraud Watch Network.

“I've often heard romance scam victims say that more than their money was stolen,” says Nofziger. “Criminals stole their hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Many have told me that recovering from that emotional loss was far more difficult than recovering from the financial loss.”

The Road to Recovery

After two years participating in sessions, Pam has regained her energy and her trust in herself. She credits the group for helping her understand how she was manipulated — her empathy, her belief in people's good intentions and her desire to help anyone in trouble were traits the criminals used against her.

Thanks to the group and a good therapist, “I feel 90 percent stronger emotionally,” Pam says. “I don't mean to make it sound like it's easy. It really isn’t.”

Every month when she faces her bills, she’s still scared and worried about having enough to pay them. But she’s grounded. “I am grateful for what I have,” she says.

Late last year, Pam became a group facilitator herself, helping more recent fraud victims navigate their feelings of shock and shame, just as the group once did for her. The work has been fulfilling. “It makes me feel like ... I can give back this gift that AARP and Liz and her team have given me,” Pam says. And that “fills a piece of me that is being put back together.”

These days when something shakes loose a painful memory, she will share her struggle with group members. “I want other people to see that this can still happen,” she says. “But you know what? It's OK. This is just part of the process.”

AARP’s Fraud Watch Network

If you or someone you know has been a victim of fraud, AARP has resources to help.

The AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline (877-908-3360) is a free resource offering guidance from trained specialists. The Fraud Watch Network also offers online peer support groups for scam victims.

Report fraud immediately to your local police and the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at IC3.gov. Reporting incidents helps law enforcement identify patterns, connect cases and disrupt scams.

Check out our library of stories on fraud, including what to do after you’ve been a victim of this crime.

Deirdre van Dyk is an AARP associate editor. She previously worked at USA Today and Time, where she covered business, government, sustainability and innovation.

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