How to Put a Smaller Price Tag on Your Child’s Big Day

My husband and I told our daughter exactly how much we’re willing to contribute: $50,000. (I know, from exhaustively reading comments on other wedding-budget articles, the size of our contribution may incite spirited discussions. I welcome them!)

Were we too blunt in our approach, perhaps triggered by my poor communication with my father all those years ago?  

No, says Myka Meier, founder of Beaumont Etiquette, a company that offers etiquette training courses. Transparency, she says, is key. “You set expectations up front, which gave your daughter the gift of planning with confidence,” she assured me. “There’s no need to dance around finances; being open helps avoid misunderstandings and allows everyone to make empowered decisions.”

One of the trickier discussions for parents is how many guests they can invite. While it sounds transactional, many parents — especially those who are contributing funds — naturally expect to fill some of the seats with their own guests, says Meier. But wedding attendees don’t come cheap: Each guest costs $284 on average, according to The Knot’s study.

Lizzie Post, an etiquette expert and AARP’s “Money Manners” columnist, encourages parents to be honest when relaying their expectations for the guest list, as well as receptive if their kid pushes back on the number of invitations they’re allowed.

Let the couple take the financial reins

Once a spending limit is established, Meier says parents should let the couple manage the budget, including hiring and paying vendors. “They’ll be the ones making hundreds of small choices, from linen colors to music set lists, and it’s easiest when those decisions flow through one point of contact,” she says.

That’s the arrangement Carrie Dennis and Tyler Beckwith made with their parents when they tied the knot at the Prospect Park Boathouse in Brooklyn, New York, in 2022. The couple paid for 80 percent of their wedding expenses, with their parents covering the remaining 20 percent. Dennis and Beckwith used a credit card to cover their portion of the bills.

“We funded a lot of the wedding with a new credit card that had a 0 percent APR for 18 months, which we paid in full before we were charged interest,” Dennis says. “I also opened another card with a large welcome-point bonus, which we used to purchase anything that didn’t have a credit card fee, the idea being we’d roll those points into a honeymoon [fund].”

Charlotte Japp and her fiancé set a budget of $40,000 for their 2024 wedding, then asked their respective parents if they would be comfortable splitting the costs. Their folks agreed and allowed the couple to manage nearly all of the budget aspects for the wedding, an intimate ceremony at a church in New York City, followed by a dinner for 85 guests at a restaurant.

Holding the reception at a restaurant instead of renting an event space helped curb costs, Japp says: “Everything is built in. The tables, chairs, glasses, china and servers already exist, and you know what they look like.”

She purchased a dress by the designer Khaite for $2,700, which was less expensive than the other wedding gowns she considered. The couple used Paperless Post to send affordable e-invitations for their event; had friends and family provide the flowers and cake; and hired a photographer who charged a lower rate because she was getting her business off the ground.

Another money-saving tactic: They didn’t tell the restaurant that the dinner was a wedding reception before they locked in the price. “We were adamant about not paying a ‘wedding tax’ for anything,” Japp says.

Prioritize spending on the things that matter

Unless the budget is unlimited, parents should help their kid and fiancé(e) determine what they’re willing to splurge on and where they’re willing to scale back.

I recently attended a wedding at The Owenego, a quaint inn in Branford, Connecticut, built in 1847. The couple concentrated their budget on the picture-perfect seaside setting and a DJ from Brooklyn. Absent were all the budget-busting extras that are often featured on social media nowadays, like photo booths and over-the-top party favors. Breakfast the next day was held in the hotel where most of the guests stayed. The meal was included in the room rate, which meant no additional costs for the newly wedded couple.

Crowdsource contributions

Couples are also saving money by asking guests to contribute their time and talents to their big day.

That includes Jack Ott and Jesse Dritz, who got hitched at Ott’s parents’ house in Cornwall, Connecticut, in September 2024. The ceremony took place in the garden, and the reception was in a rented boathouse a few miles away, with a total cost of around $8,000 for 75 guests.

Because both bride and groom are pursuing doctoral degrees, they had limited money and time to put toward their wedding. Fortunately, Ott’s mother, Susie Lilly Ott, an avid baker and gardener, offered to make the cake, decorated the sunken-garden setting for the ceremony and prepared a lot of the food, including salad, bread, cheeses and dips. In addition, Jack’s grandmother, who was the officiant, paid for the alcohol; high school friends played music during the ceremony; a sister served as their DJ at the reception; and an uncle made the bride’s bouquet using flowers from his garden.

The day of the wedding, Dritz and Ott’s friends and family helped construct a rustic arch, under which the couple exchanged vows. They also decorated the boathouse with string lights and paper lanterns, and placed Mason jars filled with wildflowers on the picnic tables, which were covered in craft paper.  

“It was a true community effort,” says Susie Ott, “and one that showed off the talents, and affection, of nearly everyone in attendance.”

I assume my daughter will crowdsource contributions for her wedding, considering she works as a creative director and has friends who are photographers and filmmakers. Her fiancé, Charley, is a musician, so I imagine live music will be easy to come by as well. 

Take a step back

My daughter’s wedding planning is just getting underway. She and Charley are scoping out movie lots that can be rented for events — a way to evoke a destination wedding without committing to an actual destination wedding (and the higher prices they often bring).

How much will the wedding cost? I have no idea. But with Lily and Charley controlling the purse strings and deciding how they’d like to spend our contribution, my husband and I don’t have to worry about that part. We’re just looking forward to celebrating their big day.