​The Financial Toll Behind Caregiving for Veterans

Financial struggles despite strong retirement planning

Mom and Dad had done solid retirement planning, working with a financial planner. Their plan included savings, investments, long-term care insurance, Social Security and Dad’s pension.

Nevertheless, their financial resources were drained by Mom’s 25-year struggle with stroke-related health issues and Dad’s Alzheimer’s. When I stepped in to help them, their savings and investments were gone, and they were in debt.

Dad was eventually approved for VA health care and Veterans Aid and Attendance benefits, which helped in the final few years of his life. Still, despite my providing 60 to 80 hours of unpaid labor a week (while working full-time), their caregiving costs were far beyond anything my parents could have predicted.

More from Amy Goyer

How to thank a caregiver
The financial toll of caregiving
Going from hospital to home
Ways to keep loved ones safe
How hospice helped my family

Caregiving for someone living with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia is a long haul, and caregiver costs are higher than they are for other caregivers.

Family caregivers of veterans who are themselves age 45 or older are most likely to have unpaid caregiving responsibilities — at a time when they should be heavily planning and saving for their own retirement.

I was 48 when I turned my life upside down, quitting my job and losing my employee benefits. I transitioned into consulting, which gave me more flexibility to care for my parents, but as it is for millions of family caregivers, my retirement savings plan was completely derailed.

At first I cared for my parents long-distance, a form of caregiving associated with higher expenses. Later I had to relocate across the country to care for them. My parents moved to a senior community for a few years, and I moved into their house, taking over paying the mortgage.

But when, after three years, they needed care 24/7, I decided to have them move back in with me to save on housing costs and to allow me to provide more hands-on care. I hired caregivers to tend to them during my working hours. After the first year, Mom passed away. Dad lived with me for a total of six years before he died at home at age 94.

Financial sacrifices of caregivers

Like the 43 percent of veteran and military caregivers who experience at least one financial setback (such as increasing their debt or dipping into personal savings), I sacrificed my own financial security to care for my parents. I spent all of my savings and never had the ability to replace it.

After Dad died, my financial advisers and lawyers told me to file for bankruptcy — a terrible, humiliating and demoralizing experience. Dad would have been mortified had he known that caring for him had bankrupted me.

I’m glad he didn’t know, and I don’t ask for sympathy — I chose to care for him and other family members, and I’m proud to have done so. But I do believe it should not be such a financial struggle to care for those who have honorably served our country.

I’m sharing my experience regarding the financial challenges of caregiving for my dad because I’ve found that money can be a taboo topic. Struggling financially is often shamed in our society, and caregivers hesitate to speak openly about it. Meanwhile, in private conversations, many family caregivers tell me about their constant battle to make ends meet, trying to avoid bankruptcy while fulfilling their caregiving responsibilities.

A shared struggle

Following a speech I gave to a group of veteran and military caregivers, a woman who was caring for her veteran husband pulled me aside to thank me for telling my story. She told me they also went through bankruptcy due to his service-related injuries. “I have never told anyone about that,” she told me quietly. “Thank you for making me feel less ashamed about it.”

Every family caregiver has a unique experience — a distinct set of circumstances and challenges. The health conditions and financial resources of our loved ones differ, as do the resources we are able to bring to the table.

Regardless, no family caregiver who takes on the role of caring for one of our veterans should have to feel ashamed about any aspect of doing so. And our financial security should not be threatened because we choose to care for those who have served our nation. Our wounded warriors and our hidden heroes — their caregivers — deserve better.