10 Ways to Discuss the COVID-19 Vaccine Without a Fight

2. Check in with your body

Know your own early warning signs or triggers that signify when a conversation is deteriorating, says Jasmine Scott, a licensed clinical mental health counselor and addiction specialist with Harmony Health Therapeutic Services in Charlotte, North Carolina. “Think about: OK, when I get a little frustrated, irritated or angry, I feel hot….What are those bodily warning signs that I'm not doing well in this situation, that I might need a break?” she says.

3. Talk less, listen more

“In debate, you have to listen because that's the only way you can respond and have a solid argument moving forward,” says Shunta Jordan, head debate coach at the University of Georgia. “Debate teaches you that listening is way more important than your ability to speak.” When it is your turn to talk, ask to share your point of view, says Fishel, rather than just charging ahead or interrupting.

4. Listen with “compassionate curiosity."

That's Fishel's term for really listening. She suggests asking people how they really feel about getting the vaccine and the worries they have? She suggests other questions, too: “What have you heard? Have had any experiences with vaccines or medicine that might contribute to the way you're feeling about it?”

5. Pick your time wisely.

It might seem strange to make an appointment to talk to someone you know well, but that's better than stumbling into an important conversation inadvertently. “It typically tends to happen in the worst possible time when someone's had a couple of drinks or someone's already had a bad day,” Scott says. If that happens, it's OK to shut the conversation down or postpone it to another time.

6. Show gratitude

Acknowledge how the other person feels and thank him for his concern if, for example, he worries the vaccine is risky and could harm you, Gravelle says.

7. Be open and vulnerable

“We have to be willing to share how we came to our own decision, and if we have some reservations or some worries,” Fishel says. Also, describe the impact of how someone else's behavior will affect you. For example: “I would be really sad if you don't get vaccinated and can't come inside my house."

8. Hit the pause button

If things start to turn accusatory or to follow an old script ("You always …"), take a break. If you blurt something out and you immediately see a reaction, stop, Gravelle says. That's the moment to call a time-out and make it clear that it was not your intent to have that impact on the other person.

9. Seek common ground

"Whenever you're having a conversation with a family member or friend, where there's an opportunity for two very polarized points of view, try to find a bridge,” Fishel says. “Make some gray area where the conflict may be very black and white.”

10. Agree to disagree

Sometimes, differences can't be resolved. “Debate teaches that there are two sides to every story, two sides to every argument,” Jordan says. “Even if you don't agree with a person's perspective, you learn to at least appreciate that there is a contrary perspective.”

Agreeing to disagree may allow you to move the conversation to discussing boundaries if one person has the vaccine and the other doesn't. Remember, disagreement doesn't always mean failure. “If we had the conversation even slightly differently than we had in the past, even though we don't see eye to eye, even though we may still have some tension between us ... then that's a win,” Gravelle says. “It's a baby step in the direction of having a more respectful conversation with each other.”

Susan Moeller is a contributing writer who covers lifestyle, health, finance and human interest topics. A former newspaper reporter and editor, she also writes features and essays for The Boston Globe Magazine as well as her local NPR station, among other outlets.