How Almost Dying Taught Me How to Live

I’ve been fighting an incurable illness for more than 20 years. Here’s what I’ve learned

Johnathan Gluck,

AARP

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Published August 12, 2025

illustration of a man spotlighted in his own head

Essay writer Jonathan Gluck shares that having a heightened awareness of death has taught him valuable lessons about how to live.

Tara Anand

In the fall of 2002, I twisted my hip leaving my office after work. I’ve had sports injuries over the years, and it felt like that — a pulled muscle or torn ligament, maybe. I figured I’d rest it and it would go away. I had an X-ray, but it showed nothing concerning. I went back to my life.

A year later, when my hip still hurt, I returned to my doctor, who ordered an MRI. A few days later, I went to his office to discuss the results. When he came into the examination room, he closed the door, sat directly across from me and fixed me with a professional gaze.

“I’ve got the results of your MRI,” he said. “There is a lesion on your hip.”

“A lesion?” I said. “You mean a tumor?”

“Yes,” he said.

I was 38 years old, with no history of any serious illness and a 7-month-old daughter. And with that single word, I had cancer. When I was diagnosed with what turned out to be an incurable form of blood cancer called multiple myeloma, I was told I had between 18 months and three years to live. Thanks to revolutionary new treatments that have been developed since then, I’ve been in and out of remission many times, and in each case my doctors managed to knock back my disease. It is not a stretch to say I am something of a medical miracle.

That said, cancer has taken its toll. I’ve undergone four rounds of radiation therapy, three rounds of immunotherapy, two rounds of chemotherapy and, most recently, a cutting-edge treatment called CAR T-cell therapy. I’ve had severe bone pain, serious gastrointestinal problems, insomnia, infections (I’m permanently immunocompromised) and a loss of feeling in my fingers and toes. The total cost of my health care runs in the millions of dollars, hundreds of thousands of which I’ve had to pay out of pocket, despite having good health insurance.

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Then there is the emotional fallout. I am typically tested and retested every three to six months, which means I have to anxiously await the results of those tests again and again. I have to live with the fact that every so often, those results will be unfavorable. Then I have to process that finding, share the news with my wife, children and friends, and gear up for another round of treatment. Because my disease will always come back, I live in a state of perpetual uncertainty.

The irony is that even as cancer has tried to kill me, a heightened awareness of death has taught me valuable lessons about how to live.

You can handle more than you think. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I didn’t think I could manage such a daunting challenge. After two decades, I know I can.
Most people are good. That’s especially true of doctors and nurses.
If you do work you enjoy, you are lucky.
If you have money and health insurance, you are even luckier.
If you have a family and friends who love and support you, you are luckier still.
Tragedies happen. So do miracles.
If there’s something you want to do, do it now.
A good relationship is worth fighting for, even if it goes bad for a time.
If you know someone who is sick, lend them a hand. At the very least, tell them you’re sorry about what they’re going through and wish them well. It will make both of you feel better.
Travel. Or fish. Or juggle. Or needlepoint. It doesn’t matter what, but do something that brings you happiness.
If you’re worried about something, do something, anything, to take your mind off of it.

Perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve learned from getting sick is to accept whatever life brings my way. Controlling what you can control and accepting what you can’t may not be the secret to human happiness, but it’s probably as close as we’re going to get.

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Jonathan Gluck is a senior editor at Fast Company, and has worked at New York Magazine, Vogue and Medium. His last story for AARP The Magazine, “Reel Dreams,” explored the agony and ecstasy of bonefishing.

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