AARP Hearing Center
Kiersten Essenpreis
In the movies, a couple thrusts a few times and — kapow — the perfect simultaneous orgasm happens. In real life? Not so much.
This week, two sexual health physicians address a question from a woman who has a tough time climaxing when she has sex with her husband — an experience that is not at all uncommon.
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I have a hard time climaxing during lovemaking. The sensations feel good — but there’s often no orgasm. It makes my husband feel less of a man because he can’t please me. Any suggestions?
The first thing you need to know: There’s no such thing as a guaranteed, picture-perfect orgasm every time you have intercourse, according to Anita Mikkilineni, an ob-gyn focused on sexual health at George Washington University Hospital in Washington, D.C.
In the Mood
For AARP’s In the Mood column, writer Ellen Uzelac will ask experts your most pressing 50+ sex and relationship questions. Uzelac is the former West Coast bureau chief for The Baltimore Sun. She writes frequently on sex, relationships, travel and lifestyle issues.
In fact, she says, numerous studies show that more than 70 percent of women don’t have orgasms vaginally. Most of us experience orgasms through clitoral stimulation. “That’s not a bad thing,” Mikkilineni adds.
So what can you do? Mikkilineni has a couple of questions for you that might help you find the best solution.
First up: Were you able to orgasm before or has this been a lifelong problem?
If you’ve always found it difficult to climax in any way — with your husband or solo — consider using a vibrator during sex play.
As Kate White, professor and chair of ob-gyn at Boston Medical Center and Boston University, puts it: “That can pull an orgasm out of most of us,” adding that “it doesn’t matter how you get there.”
White does acknowledge that using a vibrator can require a “real mind shift” for many people. “You may feel like your body is letting you down if you can’t have an orgasm without battery-operated help.”
Talk to your husband, White adds, to make sure you both feel comfortable with it. With some couples, the man holds the vibrator and figures out what works best for the woman — what angle, what speeds. “It is still him giving her pleasure.”
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