Sexting Not Just for Kids
Plenty of older adults send racy messages on their cellphones — but it's usually a private matter
Sexting has become once again the undoing of former Rep. Anthony Weiner. The New York Democrat resigned his seat and derailed his political career five years ago for committing the act, and he repeated the injudicious use of a cellphone on July 31, 2015, by sending an unidentified woman a sexually suggestive image of his crotch, according to the New York Post. This time, it’s costing him his marriage. His wife, Huma Abedin, a longtime Hillary Clinton aide, is reportedly filing for divorce.
“After long and painful consideration and work on my marriage, I have made the decision to separate from my husband,” Abedin said in a statement Monday. “Anthony and I remain devoted to doing what is best for our son, who is the light of our life. During this difficult time, I ask for respect for our privacy.”
Sexting is a practice often associated with teenagers. But the reality is that more and more of the 50-plus set, both single and married, routinely use text messaging to send tantalizing pictures and provocative words to their partner, according to relationship experts.
Most of them are not sexting in the highly public — and, as he acknowledged, "inappropriate" — way that Weiner has admitted to doing. Rather, they are using it as a fun, easy and usually harmless way to spice up their sex.
Relationship coach Suzanne Blake has seen and heard it all when it comes to sexting, including a wife who enjoys sexting her husband while he's traveling on business, telling (and showing) him what he's missing at home. While this may surprise some, Blake's not surprised at all.
"It's a misnomer that the biological changes of aging have to lead to a decrease in sexuality and sexual experience," she says.
Whether they're single and casually dating, married, or in long-term relationships, "Boomers want sexual activity," Blake explains. "They want to flirt. It makes them feel lively and young."
Jill, 50, certainly feels fresh and vital when she sexts."It makes you a little more brave," she says. "It takes the fear away, your inhibitions. I might be a little more bold in a text message than I would be over the phone or in person."
Sexting also makes the South Carolina nurse, who's been divorced for 15 years and enjoys casual dating, feel as if she had a "naughty secret."
"If you're sitting in a restaurant waiting for your food, you can just talk dirty to someone, and no one knows what you're doing," Jill says, in a slow Southern drawl. "I would rather talk on the phone. But I'm also comfortable with hiding behind texting if I want to say something dirty."
"That's exactly the appeal of sexting," according to New York psychotherapist and advice columnist Dr. Jonathan Alpert.
"Because there's no anticipation of a direct verbal response, there's less at stake than if the conversation were being held the old-fashioned method: face-to-face," he says. "Where there's less risk of being critiqued or judged, there's opportunity for greater sexual expression."
"They're overselling and over-promising," she says of big-talking sexters. "I think too much, too soon in relationships is not such a great thing. I suggest to people that you grow the relationship outside the bedroom so that when you come into the bedroom, it's your playpen." Then there's the comfort factor. Not everyone likes having a sexually charged text or photo pop up on her phone as much as she thought she would.
Richard, 66, received an X-rated photo on his cellphone from a potential online date recently and surprised himself by being less than thrilled.
"It was a little bit embarrassing," the Iowa resident says sheepishly. "Well, it was very embarrassing."
The fact that he was with a group of colleagues after hours at a restaurant didn't help matters, either.
Sexting might be an interesting experiment, he says with a sigh, but after his experience, "It was like the fun kind of went out of it."