My Niece Never Sent Me a Thank-You Card for My Wedding Gift

Handwritten expressions of gratitude aren’t passé, our etiquette expert says

Lizzie Post,

AARP

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Published July 04, 2025

a woman in formal wear standing next to a mailbox as the summer, fall and winter seasons pass

Jon Krause

Some etiquette rules, expectations and customs change with time. One thing that’s stayed the same is that couples should write thank-you notes for wedding gifts.

A handwritten thank-you card for a wedding gift can be quite meaningful, especially for older adults who’ve grown accustomed to these expressions of gratitude.

So what should you do if you don’t receive one? Our etiquette expert has a few suggestions.

I was invited to my niece’s black-tie wedding. I had to purchase a formal long gown, shoes, etc. I gave them a generous cash gift, but have never received a thank-you card. I also haven’t received a thank-you note for the wedding shower gift. It’s been six months since the wedding, and nothing! How should I approach this?

I’m sorry to hear that your niece and her partner haven’t expressed their gratitude after you sent two generous gifts, purchased a brand-new outfit and put in the time and effort to attend the shower and the wedding.

Having just finished writing the manuscript for Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette (publishing in early 2026 from Ten Speed Press), I can assure you that the appropriate thing to do when someone receives a wedding or shower gift is to send a handwritten thank-you note.

In fact, it’s essential to acknowledge all gifts, no matter what they’re for. This advice is as true today as it was a century ago.

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Six months is a long time to wonder if your niece and her new spouse received and appreciated your wedding gift. Generally, couples should send thank-you notes within three months of the big day, and thank-you cards for wedding shower gifts should go out within a month of the event. But those rules of thumb don’t take your whole situation into account.

It’s possible your niece’s thank-you card for the wedding gift got lost in the mail. It’s also possible that your niece and her spouse are still (slowly) working their way through their list of thank-you notes to write. But considering you didn’t receive a thank-you note for the wedding shower gift either, your niece could be bailing on the gesture altogether.

What should you do about it? I suggest you take one of these approaches:

Option A: Reach out to “check in.” You could touch base to make sure she received the gift. (“Madison, I want to check in to ensure you got the $200 I sent you for your wedding gift.”) As annoying as it is to have to prompt a thank-you, this approach will at least confirm that your niece received the gift and that it didn’t get lost.
Option B: Ask other guests. Seeing if other attendees have received a thank-you note yet might help you determine whether a thank-you card is coming your way.
Option C: Talk to her parents. If you feel comfortable doing so, you could reach out to your niece’s parent(s) to let them know that you haven’t received a thank-you note and were wondering if she’s planning on writing one. This could lead your sibling to politely nudge your niece to get the ball rolling without you having to confront her about it directly. I only suggest going this route if you’re close to her parent(s) and this type of back-channel check-in is common in your family. Otherwise, it could come across as you going behind your niece’s back, which would not cast you in a good light.
Option D: Let it go. (Sorry, I’ve been watching a lot of Frozen with my 5-year-old niece.) This is likely the least satisfying option, but it’s one seriously worth considering. Ultimately, we can’t control how other people act. That can be a frustrating reality, especially when it comes to a loved one. But if holding out for a thank-you note is upsetting you, letting it go could be the best thing for your mental health.

Whichever path you choose, I hope it leads to a smooth outcome and a better feeling about your relationship with your niece.

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Lizzie Post is the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette legend Emily Post. She’s the co-president of The Emily Post Institute, co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette: the Centennial Edition and co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast.