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What's the best way to celebrate Star Wars Day, May 4? Watching the films, of course. But in case you don't have time to stream all 11 live-action theatrical releases (combined running time: 24 hours 52 minutes), here's a list ranking them, from the most excruciating to the most exhilarating. Good luck, and may the Fourth be with you.
Eleventh best: Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)
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Fans waited 16 years for this — the first Star Wars since 1983's Return of the Jedi — and what'd they get? Jar Jar Binks, cinema’s most-hated character since George Lucas produced 1986’s Howard the Duck. Ewan McGregor (Obi-Wan Kenobi) and Natalie Portman (as Luke and Leia's future mom) are gallant, but this Darth Vader origin story was deadly from the opening scroll: “Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute...[zzzzzzz]."
Tenth best: Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)
Casting Hayden Christensen, who looks like a refugee from Melrose Place, as Anakin Skywalker, the future dark lord of the universe, made no sense. But his courtship of Padme (Natalie Portman) is so bad it's entertaining, especially his hilariously silly pickup line: “I don't like sand."
Ninth best: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Christensen's Anakin finally turns to the dark side, scowling and grimacing like he's desperately in need of a bathroom. But the film's high points are exhilarating, like Yoda's light saber battle with Darth Sidious, who growls, “At last, the Jedi are no more.” “Not if anything to say about it I have,” Yoda replies, squinting like a dyslexic Clint Eastwood.
Eighth best: Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Some fans were infuriated, some delighted when writer-director Rian Johnson gleefully tore up the rules of 40 years of Star Wars mythology — like, how did Princess Leia suddenly learn to fly through space without a ship? Never mind. This one has some nice special effects and cinematography.
Seventh best: Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
How did J.J. Abrams wrap up the entire Skywalker story line in one film? Especially after one of its central actors — Carrie Fisher, as Leia — died before filming could begin? Abrams’ solution was to bring back the dead: Fisher (who appeared in CGI and repurposed old footage) and the long-deceased Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid). The resurrections work, for the most part.
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