Stories from Caregivers: Bonnie from PENNSYLVANIA
PA
Bonnie
FROM PENNSYLVANIA
I moved back to Pennsylvania my home state in 2011 after living in other states for 45 years. I took early Social Security, cashed in a small 401k, left my work and friends to gladly support my parents. Both my Mom Shirley and my Dad Ken had Dementia as well as other health issues. At 86 they were still in my family home and trying to maintain that old 13 room two story house without help! My Mom's Dementia was the type that greatly altered her primary nature and in her case not an improvement. She resented my help and expressed it in abusive ways and then would in an instant forget the episode. She was the same towards my father her husband of nearly 70 years at that time. She refused medication, professional help or interventions. I was able to navigate the rocky waters for 2 1/2 years. Most of my focus on keeping my Dad safe. We had many joyous moments sharing meals and memories and somehow we survived. After a very trying week with my Mom in 2013 it became necessary to have her committed. One of the most horrific days of my life! There was no other choice. Once on proper medication my mother returned to her sweet nurturing self but by then both she and my Dad's other medical issues had worsened and I had to consider an alternative plan. The best option was a nursing home where they would be together and safe. I will never forget the ride there with my Mom in the front seat and Dad in the back. I fought back tears as we all tried to make light of the situation. It was always my Mom's worse nightmare to be placed in a facility. Somehow my Dad managed to laugh and joke about it. I knew in my heart that some of this was lost in the fog of their mental malady. Come to the present and know that my mother is still living and soon to be 92. My father's death occurred this winter at the age of 91. My Mother rarely speaks of it. I continue to share life with her as I did when Dad was alive. She's a joy to me still as Dad was when he was alive. Do I ever regret leaving my life behind? Never! And now I want to be an active advocate for the wonderful caregivers on the planet. Giving them all the encouragement and support they so deserve. It is the most rewarding but difficult task anyone who chooses will undergo. Please let me know how I can be involved at the state and national level. I appreciate this venue for sharing. Blessings for the Thanksgiving holiday.
