Stories from Caregivers: Kate from CONNECTICUT
CT
Kate
FROM CONNECTICUT
I am 51 years old, widowed, no kids, and I am home full time to take care of my mother (92!). 24/7. I am blessed that we are great friends, have respect for each other, and care for each other deeply. BUT our lives suck! why, you ask? The day to day schedule can be difficult, but problems with my two older brothers are what makes my story unique. In the last two years, my mom and I have spent $75,000 in lawyer fees to have my 2 brothers step down as POA, Trustee, and any legal involvement in my mother's care. My story is about how difficult OTHER family members can make the job so hard. My brothers will never understand what pain they put our mom through, and the two of us are now estranged from the two of them. She thinks of them constantly (they are her children!) and is angry ALL the time. I do my best to distract her from her own thoughts, but after 2 years this is such a hard job! The two of them hurt us more then they will ever acknowledge, and their lack of understanding about the situation is what makes my "job" so seemingly impossible. Mom is fully competent mentally. She has ALL her marbles and is upset she got one question wrong on a test. As mentioned, I have never been a mom, but I think taking care of an elderly parent is sort of close. (but my mom appreciates me!! I don't think that young children and teens are able to give that!) Dressing, cooking, cleaning up, laundry, bathing, driving to everywhere, med management, companionship, emergency trips to the ER in the middle of the night.... Both my older brothers seem to think I should do all this out of the goodness of my heart since I don't have "anything else to do." It is fact that I am on disability for bipolar disorder, but state law says I can still earn $1,100 a month and keep my benefits. I have helped the elderly in the past and been paid $14/hour. Mom and I have a goal of 100 years for her lifetime! She is very happy she has made it to 92 and feels the rest is gravy. Every so often she mentions the USA "record" of 114! Both my older brothers live out of state and have NEVER been involved with her life for the last 35 years. (very few visits or phone calls since moving away in 1982.) Tip #1: NEVER put a family member in charge of the family money. Tip #2: Do not treat all kids equally if some show lack of interest/involvement. Tip #3: No matter how much you want your siblings support/appreciation, it WILL NEVER HAPPEN- so stop trying and cut off ties!
