Comedian Jesus Trejo Talks Caring for Older Parents and How It Affected His Career

How did he feel about becoming a caregiver?

Trejo acquired a sense of responsibility early on but didn’t really talk about it.

“I guess looking back, I don’t think that many kids my age were doing what I was doing. … It’s not something that I talked about with my friends. ‘Hey, you know what I did? I went to the doctor with my mom or with my dad.’ It’s like you just kind of keep that one to yourself.”

How has his caregiving role changed over time?

He says the role is very dynamic, never just one thing.

“There’s been a lot of changes since my early years. Now it’s managing other caregivers [who worked with my mother] and kind of delegating responsibilities to them and making sure that they were on top of the medical needs that my mom [had] at the time.

“I’m still fulfilling this role as a caregiver but just specifically now to my father. My mother passed away [in August 2023], and I don’t have that side of the responsibility, but I do have to make sure now that my dad is OK.”

What are the top three lessons he’s learned from caregiving?

“The bullet points are time, resting and humor. You’ve got to have a lot of patience. You’ve got to rest — you’ve got to take time to make sure that you’re resting to be ready for what the day brings. And you have to take everything with some humor. If you can master those three, I think everything else becomes … easier.

“You’ve got to have a good sense of humor, because things tend not to go how you planned, and sometimes you just have to laugh. There’s no other emotion that you can tap into other than just a laugh, a smile.

“The hard thing about caregiving is that you’re juggling so many things: You’re juggling life; you’re juggling career; you’re juggling caregiving; you’re juggling the caregivers.”

How does his career inform his caregiving?

Trejo is working on his third one-hour comedy special, playing around with some of the stories audience members have told him after his stand-up shows about their dawning caregiving awareness.

“There’s a saying in comedy that pain is funny and funny is pain. … I think being a caregiver does make you look at life in a very different way.

“Being a stand-up comedian and being a caregiver, they kind of go hand in hand. I’m able to be a good caregiver because I do have that creative outlet. … And I’m able to be a good comedian because I have this part of my life that’s very different than most of my peers.

“I learned a lot about myself as a person and as an artist, and it’s that the only constant thing in life is change. And that goes for both as a comic and as a person.”

How does his relative youth affect his caregiving?

“I’m a millennial caregiver, and I have all these lived experiences that I think most of my peers don’t have. But also, when I go and perform [for] an audience, the millennial caregivers are now a common story as the baby boomer generation ages. A lot of people my age are falling into roles of caregivers. … As I speak about my experience, one or two things happen: [Audience members] either relate to it or they’re drawn to this story that is starting to be familiar to them — either their friends or their loved ones are kind of going through it.”

What’s the message he most wants to pass on?

“I do think it’s special that sometimes, through my humor and through my comedy, I’m able to make people reflect on what’s on the horizon, because aging is a part of life. You can’t escape it. It’s just everyone’s going to deal with it. Either you’re going to need a caregiver or somebody to take care of you, or you’re going to care for somebody. It’s just how it goes. That’s the duality of life.

“I will say that caregiving is a privilege. I know it’s hard to see when you’re in the midst of changing a diaper, being in a tough situation when you see your parents not feeling well. … It’s time spent with your parents, as tough as it is sometimes. … You’re going to look back and laugh at those moments.

“Yeah, it’s a privilege, remember that.”