About three years into our marriage, my wife confronted me with a strange look on her face. Denise had been poking around my workshop in the garage and discovered my stash of pantyhose.
"Jeff, is there something you want to tell me?"
"Don't worry, honey," I said. "They're not mine. Well, I mean, I don’t wear pantyhose." I could see from her expression that thought hadn’t crossed her mind, although when I mentioned it her jaw dropped another level lower.
"Oh, no, no, no! They’re not some other woman’s either." Now she looked a little relieved, but still confused.
"They're your old pantyhose," I said proudly "Ever since we've been married, I've been picking them out of the garbage can whenever you throw away a pair."
"OK. Dare I ask why?" she said.
"Well, you can do a bunch of things with worn-out pantyhose," I said.
That conversation was 25 years ago. Now, Denise gets even more excited than I do when a pair of her hosiery is ready for the box in my workshop. Here are our money-saving reuses for pantyhose on their last legs:
Cheapskate’s soap on a rope: Rub-a-dub-dub, there’s a cheapskate in my tub! Save your soap slivers and put them in the foot of a pair of pantyhose to get every last bit of suds out of them. I also keep one of these cheapskate’s soap on a rope tied to the outdoor water faucet for a quick cleanup after working in the yard.
Garden ties: Lengths of old pantyhose are perfect for tying up tomatoes and other plants in the garden; their elasticity is easier on tender plants than string is.
Wrinkle-free gift wrap storage: Store rolls of gift wrap paper in old pantyhose — one roll per leg — and hang them in the closet to keep paper neat and tatter-free.