Enter Fearless at 50 for a Shot at $50,000. Ends 2/29/2016. Official Rules

Are You Overdue for a Sexual Makeover?

You are not an old dog, and you can learn new tricks! Try these 10 strategies

Rose petals on bed. Are you overdue for a sexual makeover?

10 ways to be sexually playful, sparking more arousal and desire in your relationship. — Getty Images

Most 50-plus couples are less than adventurous in bed. It's easy to let habits take root and do the same thing each time you make love. But there are no awards for bedroom tedium, so how about undertaking a sexual makeover? It's sexy but comfortable, innovative but not bizarre. And it makes a great mutual gift for Valentine's Day.

Here's a 10-step program that I designed with sociologist Janet Lever, my coauthor on Getaway Guide to the Great Sex Weekend, to help people think of new ways to be sexually playful, sparking more arousal and desire in a long-term relationship. (You needn't leave home to put this plan into action, but new locales can be more seductive than old haunts.)

1. Beef up the boudoir

If you don't have one, add a dimmer switch to one of your bedroom lights. Part of sexual allure is looking and feeling beautiful; a dimmer achieves both!

Or simply swap out the sheets; satin or high-thread-count sheets feel sensual, and they encourage sensual play.

Humans are visual creatures who crave novelty; you can adapt those mammalian features to your advantage merely by donning sexier nightwear than you normally sport. For women, that might mean a silky teddy; for men, cute shorts? Even a new robe that's soft to the touch can pay off; think about using part of a weekend to shop for these items together.

2. Do a little dabbing

Is smell the sharpest and most immediate of the five senses? Some scientists maintain it is, so do the scientific thing and make sure you smell fresh and clean. Then, depending on individual preferences, find a scent, one for each of you, that the other really likes. Dab it in all the usual places — and in a few less so. (Speaking of private preserves, it might be sexy to do a little "manscaping" or its female equivalent, "womaxing," if you never have before.)

3. Introduce your babe to toyland

Here's your chance to get sexy in a whole new way. There are a variety of great lubes out there, both water- and silicone-based, and by now you probably have a favorite. But why not try a new one? Those I can recommend include Continuous Silkiness, Wet, Pur, Eros and Pink. (Indeed, the only thing not to like about lubricants may be their cheesy names.) Many lubes come in a single-use size, so if you frequent a sex shop — either online or off — you can pick up a few samples without having to purchase an entire bottle or tube.

In the sex-toy category, I hardly know where to start — or stop! But these three models are reported to satisfy consistently.

We-Vibe is a C-shaped device that goes in and outside a woman at the same time. As its name implies, it is nondiscriminatory: It vibrates her and him simultaneously.

Revel Body Sonic Vibrator is a new round device with a slow to super-fast thumping action. It is submersible in water and — get this — has a suction action.

The rabbit. Now widely considered the classic sex toy, this device features a top part that rotates inside while the "rabbit ears" on the outside hit the clitoral area. Yes, Sex and the City made the rabbit famous (Season 1, Epsiode 9, if you must know), but it was much beloved long before Charlotte got addicted to it.

Note: Provided they are safe for the user, Cialis or Viagra can be a special treat. Even when such erection medications are not strictly required for intromission, they can usually add some density to men over 50 — an effect appreciated by both parties.

4. Go double-tubbing

Find a place with a bathtub built for two, and presoak in it. If you've brought along a water toy, so much the better. Or shower together, leisurely soaping each other up (and down). Then, after rinsing off, slowly pat each other dry. Ver-r-y sexy.

5. Pucker up

Kissing seems to have gone the way of handwritten letters, but try some new varieties on your partner — slow, quick, hard or light, starting on the face and working your way down from there. Show or voice your appreciation whenever your partner reaches a particularly delightful place.

6. Make like a pretzel

Get a copy of a how-to book (such as Anne Hooper's Ultimate Sex Positions or Alex Comfort's The Joy of Sex) and, just for the fun of it, test-drive three new positions.

7. Include after-play

Whether or not you've had an orgasm, celebrate your makeover with a sweet, light massage; extra "partner points" will be awarded for hand, foot or neck massage, I guarantee it! Because this activity is so relaxing and intimate, it can create even more tenderness between the two of you.

8. Celebrate with finger foods

Feed each other fresh strawberries afterward, or have some other delicacy ready and waiting. Maybe it's just a cup of special tea, a mug of hot chocolate or a glass of wine. Savor the taste — and the moment.

9. Run a sizzle reel

Tell each other the favorite moments of your sexual makeover. Then see if you can't arrange to add something you especially liked to your everyday repertoire.

10. Schedule more excitement

Don't let your makeover languish: Plan your next getaway, or at-home sexy evening, for some time soon!

Dr. Pepper Schwartz answers your sex, relationships and dating questions in her blog.


Join the Discussion

0 | Add Yours

Please leave your comment below.

You must be logged in to leave a comment.

AARP Membership

Discounts & Benefits

    Next Article

    Read This