Spice It Up With Sex Toys for Older Adults

​One of the reasons sex toys can be relevant later in life is that many people are widowed, divorced, separated — or otherwise single. As Kaufman puts it: “Older women, especially, are used to following a particular sex script. They now want to expand their sexual experience with a new partner or alone.” For many, that means using a toy and discovering the “mind-blowing arousal” that comes with it.

Talk to your partner 

If you do have a partner, it can sometimes be tricky to bring up sex toys as an option. Kaufman says some people believe it’s wrong to use them. Others are afraid they’ll become addicted to the toys or their partner’s ego will take a hit because they may suddenly feel they’re not “enough” anymore. 

 Kaufman’s advice? Keep it simple. For a lot of older women, for example, it’s easier to orgasm with a vibrator. One conversational approach she recommends: “I’ve gone through menopause. Orgasms are taking me longer. How do we accommodate that? We’re aging and we need to think differently about things. It’s not about you. It’s about my body and what I need.”

Find the right toys for your needs

​Wands that deliver varying strengths and patterns for clitoral stimulation and/or penetration and palm-held vibrators for external use on the vulva are among Kaufman’s top recommendations for women. 

​Other good options, she says: dildos in various sizes; suction devices that vibrate the clitoris while also massaging the G-spot; and a toy, designed like a tongue that simulates the experience of receiving oral sex.  Many toys come with remote controls, and some work for partnered sex.

For men, Kaufman recommends prostate toys that stimulate the prostate erotically and massage it as well, heightening orgasm. They also help tone the pelvic floor muscles.

She says vibrating sleeves placed around the penis can be set to a wide range of vibrations, intensities and rhythms, depending on what pleasures the man wants most. There are also beads that are inserted in the anus that can heighten orgasm. Also available: masturbation sleeves that mimic intercourse and C rings designed to support and strengthen erections.

Kaufman says the bottom line is that sex toys can be a helpful part of maintaining a healthy sex life ­— something that is important to overall health. “Toys can make that happen,” she says.