9 Essentials for a Happier Life, According to Oprah Winfrey

4. Focus less on yourself.

Research shows that focusing less on yourself and your desires will make you happier. On a most basic level, the authors point to the benefits of avoiding mirrors, but they also suggest learning to marvel at the world around you (experiencing awe is associated with happiness) and trying to care less about what people think of you.

As Winfrey puts it, “The surest way to improve your inner world is to focus on the outer world, because happiness inside comes from looking outside.”

5. “Build your imperfect family.”

No family is without conflict. The authors offer advice for managing that conflict, including trying not to take others’ negativity personally; preventing unhappy family members from spreading their negativity (sometimes this might involve “strategic avoidance” of that person); learning to forgive (forgiveness is “the secret weapon in all families”); and practicing honesty (start by being honest with yourself).  

 6. Forge “deeply real” friendships.

The authors discuss “deal friends” versus “real friends.” The latter are, obviously, better; the first are friends from whom you need or want something — they are useful, but not likely to bring lasting joy or comfort. Make a list of your friends, they suggest, noting whether each is a deal or real friend. Then make “concrete plans” for spending more time with your real friends. And not just online: “Real friendship requires real contact,” they note. Technology is a “terrible substitute.”

 7. Perform meaningful work.

While many people don’t have the luxury of choosing their ideal job, there are ways to find satisfaction in work, the authors say. This involves seeking intrinsic rewards in what you do, beyond money and power, such as earned success and service to others. And be alert to work addiction: “You are not your job.”

 8. Embrace faith.

Science has shown that “transcendental beliefs and experiences aid dramatically in our efforts to get happier.” Why? Focusing on religious or spiritual practices, they write, offers us a more accurate perspective on life by moving our attention beyond “our quotidian worries and everyday cares” and drawing it to “the majesties of the universe.”

They also point to practicing mindfulness as an important tool for enjoying the present moment.

 9. Teach others what you’ve learned about “happierness.”

Once you’ve absorbed the lessons above, share them. While doing so, be honest about your own struggles and pain (“your pain gives you credibility, and your progress makes you an inspiration”). “Happiness multiplies when we share it,” Winfrey notes in her conclusion. “I hope this book lets your sharing begin.”

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