How to Stay Safe While Dating

I was walking on California's Stinson Beach in August 2009 when I struck up a conversation with a woman who seemed utterly delightful. Captivated, I invited her to dinner at my house that evening.

Big mistake!

Use these tips to stay safe when you're dating online. — Peter Dazeley/Getty Images

While I ate my dinner, she drank hers — then refused to leave. And, according to her, why should she? My acquaintance of 12 hours bizarrely insisted that we were living together. The situation felt menacing — would I find a rabbit stew boiling on the stove? — so I summoned my next-door neighbor, a woman, for help. The two of us spent 45 minutes coaxing my surprise head case to leave, but it took a threat to call the police to finally get her out the door.

Does it jar you to find a man writing about dating safety? Don't let it. As my fatal attraction to that mad mermaid proved, scary situations can pop up for anyone in the dating world — female or male, online or not. That's why everyone who is part of that world must take some basic steps to ensure his or her physical safety. At the very least, consider adopting the approaches below; all of them draw on my 12 years of recent online dating experience.

1. Gentlemen first. When you've exchanged emails with a prospect and you feel it's time to furnish phone numbers, the man should offer his first. If he doesn't, the woman should ask him to do so. I can't think of any good reason why a legitimately eligible man would withhold his digits; if he does, that's ample cause to feel unsafe. Give the dude a pass.

2. Pick a safe spot for your first date. A busy daytime cafe is ideal. There isn't much privacy, but you'll be grateful for the presence of others if an unpleasant situation develops. If your date refuses to meet at a cafe or insists on a less public place, simply move on.

3. Know when to bail. I once had a coffee date with a woman who grew increasingly angry — and vocal — over her mistreatment by an ex-boyfriend. When she turned her attack on me, I got up and left — and was thankful for an audience to witness my exit.

Next page: Here's what to do if you want/need to bail. »