Seven Choices of Grief
While there is no set progression through grief, there is a process we follow with choices along the way. Elizabeth Harper Neeld, Ph.D., has identified "seven choices" -- the steps in the grief process.
First Choice: Impact
The initial crisis after the event. This phase may last days or
weeks after learning of the death of your loved one. This phase
can be characterized by reactions —specifically physical,
behavioral, emotional, and cognitive.
Second Choice: Second Crisis
The second crisis occurs any time during the first few months.
The numbness from impact has worn off and the bereaved may feel
more pain than they believed was possible. It is important to
experience the pain and not try to hide it or "be
strong" for others. Friends and family members may have
returned to their lives at this point, so looking into community
resources may be ideal.
Third Choice: Observation
The next phase is a time to reminisce and re-experience the
deceased, according to author Theresa A. Rando. Many old memories
will be recalled, many are surprised by the amount of everyday
moments they recall.
Fourth Choice: The Turn
In a downward swing after experiencing their loss, the bereaved
starts to adjust to a life without the deceased. Hopefully, the
reinvesting in life begins and the widow and/or family makes the
turn upward.
Fifth and Sixth Choice: Reconstruction and Working
Through
The bereaved has relinquished attachments to old roles,
relationships, and to the world of the deceased. Instead, a new
relationship with the departed —a relationship of memory is
developed. This is the time that the bereaved starts to take
action and reinvest themselves in a world without their loved
one.
Seventh Choice: Integration
Finally, in integration, we are able to think of the deceased
person without pain. There is always a sense of sadness, but it
lacks the wrenching quality it previously had.
Times or life events that may rekindle grief reactions:
- Dates
- New and additional crises
- Rituals
