Alert
Close

Last chance – give now. Before 2014 ends, help struggling seniors. Donate

Highlights

Open

Caucasian couple looking at a laptop computer together

Horoscope

Scorpio - AARP Horoscope

Look at what your future holds if your birthday is between Nov. 23 & Dec. 22.

2015 LIFE@50+ MIAMI

Miami skyline viewed through palm trees.

Enjoy fun in the sun during Life@50+, May 14-16, 2015

Most Popular

Viewed

With 50 in the Rearview Mirror

Things We're Too Old to Say

Sounding off on slang we should drop

I'll never be too old to say I love you. I'll never be too old to say I'm sorry. I'll never be too old to ask an obnoxious jerk if he's this rude to everybody or if he's running a special just for me.

See also: The author on starting over — again — after age 50.

Still, I am too old to keep on saying certain things. Being part of the generation that won't grow up means that I still have many friends (female) who announce that they're going "to the little girls' room" to "tinkle," and many friends (male) who clap their pals on the back and cry "dude!"

We may be young at heart. We may even fit into our wrestling singlet or cheerleader uniform. (No, you don't have to prove it … I believe you!) All that said, we could at least talk the talk of gracefully grown people.

What follows here is a smattering of silly syntax — slang that people of my generation should never utter.

Ever.

Again.

Panties. Did I ever actually say "panties"? Nobody should say panties, even toddlers. Did this infantile, diminishing, eroto-weird noun come out of my mouth? Why is it still used in catalogs ... or outside brothels? Or inside brothels? Let's say underwear, smalls or simply point.

Cool. I was young when I first became a parent, and when my first child was a high school senior, I had license to use this word. It was, however, a probationary license. Now, the silence that falls on the room when I say "cool" means that it's not.

Smashed, over-served, hammered. If you're embarrassed that you did it, you should be doubly embarrassed to confess it. The boasts of youth are the secrets of age. Or should be.

Freakin'. When little kids say it, their mouths cry out for soap. When we do, it cries out for restraint. Or restraints.

LOL. It makes me want to ROFB (see key).

Mitchard Bulletin Surprise

Panties." A word 50 plus should avoid using. — Nini/Istock

I'm likeIt's not our fault that we use this all-purpose way to explain any reaction. Our kids have defenestrated our brains and replaced real language with this easy-to-install catchphrase. Of course, we mean, "I said" or "I say" or "I looked this way." So that vulgar but somehow cute Top 40 tune should actually go, "I see you driving round town with the girl I love, and I say, 'Forget you.' "

Don't say that, either. 

Chill out. If you are forced at knife point to use this phrase for relaxing, at least don't say that you are "chilling." Or worse, chillin', or anything with a dropped "g." If you get all worked up and have to start chillin', please, just don't ever, ever chill-lax.

Next: More slang we should drop. >>

Topic Alerts

You can get weekly email alerts on the topics below. Just click “Follow.”

Manage Alerts

Processing

Please wait...

progress bar, please wait

Related Video

Tell Us WhatYou Think

Please leave your comment below.

AARP Bookstore

Discounts & Benefits

From companies that meet the high standards of service and quality set by AARP.

Cirque Du Soleil

Members save up to 20% on live Cirque du Soleil shows with their AARP membership card.

Member Benefit AARP Regal 2

Members pay $8 for Regal ePremiere tickets purchased online. Conditions apply.

Movies Unlimited

Members save 10% on purchases of DVDs & Blu-ray discs from Movies Unlimited.

Member Benefits

Join or renew today! Members receive exclusive member benefits & affect social change.