We may be young at heart. We may even fit into our wrestling singlet or cheerleader uniform. (No, you don't have to prove it … I believe you!) All that said, we could at least talk the talk of gracefully grown people.

What follows here is a smattering of silly syntax — slang that people of my generation should never utter.

Ever.

Again.

Panties. Did I ever actually say "panties"? Nobody should say panties, even toddlers. Did this infantile, diminishing, eroto-weird noun come out of my mouth? Why is it still used in catalogs ... or outside brothels? Or inside brothels? Let's say underwear, smalls or simply point.

Cool. I was young when I first became a parent, and when my first child was a high school senior, I had license to use this word. It was, however, a probationary license. Now, the silence that falls on the room when I say "cool" means that it's not.

Smashed, over-served, hammered. If you're embarrassed that you did it, you should be doubly embarrassed to confess it. The boasts of youth are the secrets of age. Or should be.

Freakin'. When little kids say it, their mouths cry out for soap. When we do, it cries out for restraint. Or restraints.

LOL. It makes me want to ROFB (see key).