Pain-Free Sex Positions for People 50+

Props, sex furniture can support your achy body parts

When you sit on the couch, do you put a pillow behind your back for added comfort? Translate that mentality into the bedroom with sex furniture and props. “Many of the sexual positions that we enjoy in our youth can be achieved in later adulthood with the assistance of props — such as physical therapy wedges and blocks, straps, and pillows — to decrease the amount of athleticism required,” says Jeffcoat.

Use pillows to help you get into a comfortable position by elevating your hips or providing extra padding behind your back. You can also use a small pillow to pad sore knees, like you would during kneeling yoga poses.

 You can visit an adult store — there are options in person and online — to purchase furniture and pillows designed specifically for people with mobility challenges, says Howard.

Sex accessories geared toward older adults may also help, says Lauren Streicher, medical director of education and community outreach for Midi Health, a virtual care clinic for women’s midlife health, and founding medical director of the Northwestern Medicine Center for Sexual Medicine and Menopause.

Relaxing positions can help with sexual dysfunction

In postmenopausal women, vaginal dryness can be a big concern. And for older men, so can erectile dysfunction (6 in 10 men said they had trouble getting an erection, according to the AARP survey).

If vaginal penetration is still desired, the key is to position your body so that you have good pelvic alignment, which will minimize rubbing the vaginal entrance, says Howard. For instance, you can modify missionary style by sliding a pillow underneath your lower back to raise and stabilize your pelvis, which can make insertion easier for women who are feeling dry down below.

Engaging in an intimate but relaxing position such as spooning can take the pressure off too, says Vuu. “These positions can help reduce anxiety related to ED by fostering emotional connection and reducing the need for sustained physical exertion, which can be challenging in the presence of ED,” he says. 

You can also support your partner by encouraging them to visit a physician to discuss a variety of treatment options such as prescription medications and hormone replacement therapy. 

Have a sex rehearsal to try out your new positions

Don’t wait until the moment of passion to try a new position. Have a little fun with a dress rehearsal with your clothes on first, says Howard.

“Try it together to figure out how you get in and out of a position, how you might move or what cushions you need,” she says. That way when you’re excited and in the moment, you know you have that position as an option.

The practice session can be enjoyable all on its own, adds Howard, “because it’s like a game of Twister — you’re trying to figure out something together.”

If you try out a new position or are attempting to modify a previous favorite one, know that it may not work perfectly on the first round. It may take a few attempts to figure out how to make the position work for you. “Don’t get discouraged,” says Howard.

Anything new is a learning process, she says, as it was when we were first learning to be physically intimate with early partners. “And it’s totally normal for it to be awkward or to not be able to figure it out the first time around,” adds Howard. Hang in there and you’ll find what works best for you.

Still at a loss for what positions will help? Ask an expert.

Experts in different fields can help you not only communicate better with your partner as to what feels good but also offer practical tips tailored to your conditions.

A sexual counselor can help you communicate. There are professionals who specialize in all things sex, from the emotional aspects to the physical side of things. This guidance, Howard says, “can help individuals and partners improve self-image and communication, identify what pleasurable activities are possible with the bodies they have, and adjust to new activities as their bodies change or improve with medical care.”

Find online resources to spark discussions. You can also use articles like this one or videos like Howard’s Ergoerotic series, in which she shares position modifications for various types of pain, as launching pads for such conversations. She suggests bringing any informative materials you find online to your partner and talk about ways you can work together to pain-proof your sex life.

See a physician or physical therapist. Your physician can be a great person to talk to.

“Let your doctor know that sex is important to you,” says Howard, “because then they can try to help give you resources. And if they don’t have them, then you can ask for a physical therapist.”

A physical therapist who specializes in pelvic pain, for instance, can help you map out what specifically is causing your pain: the act of penetration, friction in a certain position or other causes Then they can suggest modifications or positions to try that can help you be intimate without aggravating those areas.