Can Couples in May-December Relationships Make It Work?

They’re not as open with public displays of affection as they would be with partners closer in age because of the attention it has attracted. But they’ve been open online about their relationship through articles, videos and podcasts on their Age Gap Love Story website, which they hope brings a sense of community to those in relationships with large age differences.​

“I don’t think the issues are any bigger than with other couples who have differences with religion, ethnicities or life circumstances,” Seidner says. “I’d tell others in our situation to go with your heart and be prudent.”​

Pursue age-gap relationships with ‘eyes wide open’​

People make a lot of assumptions when it comes to May-December unions, according to Love McPherson, a relationship expert in Frankfurt, Illinois.​

McPherson, 63, explains that if the woman is older, she’s seen as a cougar trying to recapture her youth; if she’s younger, she’s either a gold digger or looking for a father figure. If the man is older, he’s having a midlife crisis or is too immature to relate to women his own age; if he’s younger, he’s either a gold digger or looking for somebody to take care of him.​

​However, when it comes to any relationship, age doesn’t make or break its success, McPherson says. It’s all about satisfaction. That’s why it’s important to have conversations early on about topics such as how erectile dysfunction may affect intimacy or how to recognize the symptoms of menopause, and to be sure there’s respect and not contempt for the differences in perspectives that are sure to crop up.​

“Walk in with your eyes wide open, understanding what the possibilities are over the long term,” McPherson says. “And then talk about them. When you’re able to communicate openly and honestly, that’s everything.”​

If you’re in, or contemplating, an age-gap relationship, Webb suggests asking yourself these questions: “What is left in the relationship when the excitement fades? Could the intimacy you feel really be lust? The financial security you seek really be greed? Is the excitement you feel really just snubbing your nose at the status quo?”​

A typical added pressure is how family, friends and others perceive the relationship. In fact, Seidner and Forrest say judgment from family members is the issue age-gap couples face most.​

“You should absolutely listen to friends and family who might raise red flags about your age-gap relationship,” Webb advises. “Love is not only blind, but it can cause a lot of misery if one of you is in a relationship with wrong intentions.”​

‘Love doesn’t know math’​

Lisa Carley, 53, of Alameda, California, says the age gap with her 37-year-old boyfriend, Chris, comes up when they have a disagreement.​

“Because I have more life experience, have been married and am a parent, I sometimes dismiss his point of view — unfairly — because he hasn’t had these milestones that really impacted and shaped me immensely,” she says.​

“But over time we’ve found more of an equal footing. He is more confident, asserting his opinions and pushing back on me. This has strengthened our relationship significantly.”​

They have fun with the fact that Carley prefers to listen to rappers Post Malone and NF, while her partner favors the music of Frank Sinatra and Elvis.​

Some of Carley’s friends have cautioned her against getting too invested in a younger man who may only want to “play around.” She’s not concerned, given that she no longer is interested in marriage or even monogamy.​

“What I think people may not understand is that the very nature of partnership is changing,” she says. “Many people are questioning old paradigms while experimenting with new models.” ​

Forrest says that she and Seidner believe any age-gap relationship is valid “as long is each person is a consenting adult.”​

Cher put it this way in a social media post in November 2022: “Love doesn’t know math.”​​