Family
The Risky Adventure I Took to Mark Big Birthday
Why every woman should celebrate new decades in style.
Margaret Flatley
Recently, as I stared down my big 5-0, a dear friend advised me to observe the upcoming occasion well. She’d blown off her own 50th birthday and sadly, regretted it.
I took her suggestion, throwing an enormous bash with family and dear friends in attendance. We feasted on Mexican food a multi-tiered layer cake nearly as large as the one at my wedding. I then decided to take on a big challenge to really kickstart the decade in grand style, jetting off to Tahiti to earn my Open Water scuba diving certification.
The water is not my comfort zone, so perhaps it shouldn’t have been a huge surprise that my first dive got off to a rocky start. My instructors saw I was having trouble with both my buoyancy and my nerves. They insisted I float face-up in the sea for a bit to calm down. Staring up at the clear, perfect sky, I was frustrated, panicked and truth be told, fighting back tears.
Had I bitten off more than I could chew?
However, the last thing I wanted to do was quit. So, I didn’t. Taking an even, slow inhale through the regulator clenched in my jaws, I gradually deflated my vest, sank into the clear, warm water, and thought of my mom, Merry.
Full disclosure: I blame her entirely for my South Pacific birthday/vision quest. When Mom hit 70, she announced a down and back Grand Canyon hike was in order and insisted all five of her daughters would join her. The pandemic delayed the plan, but didn’t derail it.
Several years later, we converged in Arizona for a 16-hour trek that tested each of us in different ways. Despite our excellent training, at times we alternately felt nauseous, overheated, and exhausted. Some of us eventually lost toenails. But we defied the discomfort, made it back up safely, and staggered away inspired by the tenacity of the mother who decided it would be a “nice bonding experience with her girls”.
As with most things, it turns out Mom knew best. Research shows this style of landmark birthday celebration — including a challenge, journey or party — is fairly common. As we approach a new decade, we tend to take stock of our lives and plan big events accordingly. And those events might just hold the key to changing our future outlooks.
Get the Must-Read Newsletter for Older Women
Sign up for the free, weekly newsletter with the latest stories, expert advice, community updates, and more.
“These big milestone birthdays have potential to be really important highlights of a life story,” said Dr. Claudia Haase, Associate Dean for Well-Being at Northwestern University's School of Education and Social Policy. “They can include looking back, reflecting, and celebrating joyfully. Those milestone ages can also be an opportunity to try new things, begin or accomplish something new. We have the ability to rewrite our life history at any age.”
Joy Fox, 90, knows all about reimagining life chapters. For her 65th birthday, the Vancouver Island, British Columbia resident traveled to Scotland, where she was born. In the quarter century since, she’s logged miles all over the world and won an award from JourneyWoman, a global network promoting solo travel for women over 50. This year, she took a group tour of Iceland to mark her ninth decade. She knew none of the other guests beforehand.
“I hiked up hills and climbed over rocks and did things I have never done before, and didn't think I was capable of,” said Fox. “A lot of people are afraid of their age, but I'm not, and I never have been, really. Everybody should have big celebrations on their birthday, particularly as you get older. My friends say ‘Oh, you're so brave’. I'm not brave. I'm afraid when I do these things, but I do them anyway, because if I don't, I'm going to live to regret it.”
I wasn’t so sure I was capable of scuba, but during that first dive into Tahiti’s famed Aquarium site I steadied myself. I figured out how to equalize the pressure in my ears and sinuses while dropping down to 30 feet. I marveled at the incredible, colorful fish and coral below the surface and the silence there, too.
By my fifth and final dive in French Polynesia, I’d passed all of my safety drills and drifted comfortably near reef sharks at 70 feet deep, with no pain or anxiety. I earned my certification, and it was nothing short of remarkable. I flew home on literal and figurative clouds.
I truly believe my mother’s example, deciding to go bold for my 50th, and a healthy fear of missing out allowed me to achieve what I thought wasn’t possible. And, this set the stage for future adventures. Big birthdays are coming for all of us, and like Joy, now into her ninth decade, I find myself increasingly unafraid of them.
I’m already thinking of how I’ll celebrate 60, and I can’t wait!
More from The Ethel
Relationships
Relationships
Relationships
More for you, from AARP
We are a community from AARP. Discover more ways AARP can help you live well, navigate life, save money — and protect older Americans on issues that matter.