Mother-of-the-Bride Fashion: What Should You Wear?

When your child gets engaged, it stirs up so many emotions: excitement for the happy couple, hope for the future, wistfulness about the passage of time and, perhaps, anxiety about the wedding expenses. Then there’s the challenge of what to wear as the mother of the bride or groom. It’s one of the biggest fashion expenditures a woman makes in her lifetime, aside from her own wedding dress. No worries, we’ve got you covered!

You want to harmonize with the rest of the wedding party and never outshine the bride — but at the same time, you want to look amazing, right? Perhaps it’s best to start by asking the bride-to-be if she has a preference about what color you choose and how she feels about prints. White and ivory are typically worn only by the bride. There used to be a rule about never wearing black to a wedding, but that has eased up over the years. Today many formal weddings include bridesmaids and “mothers-of” dressed in black.

The next considerations are the venue, the time of day and the time of year. If the ceremony is taking place in a house of worship, overtly sexy or flashy dresses might not be appropriate. A wedding on the beach, at a farm, at a vineyard or in the backyard is often less formal than one in a hotel ballroom or at a country club.

Black-tie attire

Left to right: Eliza J Long-Sleeve Tuxedo Gown in Black ($100, nordstrom.com); Mac Duggal Sequin Long-Sleeve Trumpet Gown in Nude Silver ($398, nordstrom.com); Halston Elycia One-Shoulder Crepe Cape Gown ($545, neimanmarcus.com); Petite Surplice Neckline Ballgown with Full Satin Skirt & Jersey Bodice in Navy ($199, alexevenings.com)

Nordstrom; Mac Duggal; Neiman Marcus; Alex Evenings

There is no general rule about length, although an invitation that specifies “black tie” may warrant a full-length gown in a fine fabric such as silk, satin, crepe or lace for the mother of the bride or groom. In my opinion, simple silhouettes are usually more flattering than ones with fancy flourishes like giant bows, ruffled necklines or balloon sleeves for women over 50. If you are comfortable showing your arms, strapless dresses and off-the-shoulder styles are nice options. Metallics, navy, black and jewel tones are all a go. Pastel ballgowns can be a bit trickier as they conjure Disney princesses. Gowns usually benefit from wearing a heel to elongate the line, but make sure your shoes are comfortable since you will likely be standing in a receiving line and dancing during the evening. If your dress is metallic or has sparkles, keep jewelry simple; a small drop earring, studs or a delicate bracelet may be enough. With a column gown or a shirtwaist style, a dangling earring can add drama.

Cocktail attire

Left to right: Carlan Tea Length Dress in Night Blue ($368, kayunger.com); Milly Strapless Pleated Crepe Midi Dress in Adriatic ($425, neimanmarcus.com); Eliza J Illusion Crew Neck Short Sleeve Floral Embroidered A-Line Midi Dress in Black ($90, dillards.com); Teri Jon by Rickie Freeman Metallic Jacket Dress in Gold ($560, bloomingdales.com)

Kay Unger; Neiman Marcus; Dillard's; Bloomingdale's

If a wedding is to take place after 5, you can always opt for a gown, but knee- or tea-length dresses are also appropriate. Feel free to shimmer or sparkle. Sleeveless, half-sleeves, bracelet sleeves, strapless and asymmetric necklines all work, and most should be worn with a kitten heel or strappy sandal. You can have fun with your jewelry. Sleeveless, off-shoulder and strapless styles often call for dramatic earrings or bracelets — as opposed to necklaces. A nude-colored shoe works with a dress of almost any color. Matching the color of your shoes to your dress feels a bit dated unless it just picks up on a colored detail of the dress.