Life at 50+
Managing Your Parent’s Money
4 ways to ease financial frustration
AS HER MOM’S financial caregiver and estate planner, Beth Pinsker flew about 20,000 miles (10 round trips from New York’s Brooklyn to Florida) and spent hundreds of hours on the phone sorting out money issues and more time filling out forms. Three years after taking on this challenge, and two years since her mom died, she still deals with paperwork. Pinsker wrote a book on her experiences called My Mother’s Money. She shares her biggest lessons:
It’s all about love: The work of a financial caregiver is to make life easier for everyone involved. So listen and help. My mom was obsessed with her funeral arrangements because she didn’t want anyone to go through what she experienced when my father died: The cemetery dug his grave in the wrong spot, which we didn’t figure out until we walked up to the plot for his burial.
Get a durable power of attorney: When somebody is sick, there are deadlines, and there’s no time for months of court hearings—it’s better to have documents already in place that allow you to handle their affairs. But be forewarned that banks in particular can still make it difficult to use power of attorney because of potential fraud. One estate lawyer I interviewed for the book had to sue a bank to get them to accept her client’s designation.
Know your rights: I also had battles with Medicare, Social Security and my mom’s long-term care insurance. What kept me going was thorough research of our rights. I fought the hardest when the rehab facility kept trying to discharge my mom even though she had Medicare coverage left. We won two appeals, and then I wrote the CEO a letter, and the orders to leave stopped.
Do what’s right: My mom was always frugal, but when I was in charge of her finances, I faced spending decisions that determined her quality of life. Was it worth $700 for an upgraded mattress for the hospital bed? Yes.
An A-ha Moment
With a stunning video, ‘Take on Me’ became a hit song 40 years ago
IN OCTOBER 1985, Norwegian trio a-ha topped Billboard’s Hot 100 with “Take on Me.” Its success was fueled by the song’s music video, a combination of live action and animation in which a woman enters a comic book. But it almost didn’t happen. “Take on Me” had been released the previous year with a less flashy video and failed to take off outside Norway. The band didn’t give up, rerecording “Take on Me” and shooting that new video, which won six MTV Video Music Awards, including best concept video and most experimental video. “It was absolutely revolutionary,” says veteran DJ Richard Blade. —Craig Rosen
MY FIRST TIME...
... BEING OFFERED A SEAT ON THE SUBWAY
A FEW MONTHS ago, on my commute in lower Manhattan, a young woman wearing a wide-leg jumpsuit, nose ring and fuzzy slippers offered me her seat.
Do I look that old? I’d just spent nearly 20 minutes spackling my sun spots, glossing my lips and ensuring that my cheeks had a dewy glow!
After an initial hesitation, I thanked the stranger and snatched her still-warm spot. I know the chances of winning the lottery are greater than being offered a subway seat at rush hour.
I learned that while pregnant in my late 30s. I was then working for Seventeen magazine, where I often camouflaged my bump so as not to alienate the boy band members and teen stars who stopped by for meet and greets. But during my daily subway slogs, I took the opposite approach, flinging open my maternity blazer and puffing out my abdomen. Surely a kind soul would let me rest my ballooning feet. No one so much as blinked.
I guess that’s one reason why, when I scored a seat on a recent trip home, I gave it to the first pregnant woman I saw. I want to live out my remaining years in good health, so spending more time on my feet can help. But I’ve also learned that when offered a kindness, even one you’d rather not qualify for, you should accept it gratefully—and pass it on. —Michele Shapiro
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