That’s when it helps to have a health care proxy. This legal document, sometimes called a durable power of attorney for health care, empowers someone to make medical decisions on behalf of someone who is incapacitated. (The term “health care proxy” can also refer to the person who takes on this responsibility.)

Legal experts say a health care proxy is most effective when it is in place before a crisis occurs and when it is part of ongoing conversations about health care goals, end-of-life preferences and quality-of-life priorities. These conversations with aging parents aren’t always easy, but starting them is important. Here’s what attorneys advise:

❤︎ Be proactive. Don’t wait for your loved one to raise the issue. Instead, ask them: What are your wishes for end-of-life care? Does the person’s religious beliefs either forbid or require certain medical interventions? It’s not about predicting every crisis, says Caleb Lihn, an elder law attorney in the greater Phoenix area. It’s giving families the legal authority and guidance they need to navigate whatever comes.

❤︎ Revisit legal documents. Families frequently discover too late that their existing plans contain gaps, says Eric Einhart, a New York–based elder law attorney. Consider consulting an elder law attorney, who can help your family evaluate who is best suited to serve as a health care proxy (or proxies), ensure plans remain current and identify strategies to protect assets while preparing for future care needs.

❤︎ Divide responsibilities. Spreading out duties—such as dealing with care facilities or meeting with attorneys—among multiple family members can help prevent one person from being overwhelmed. But communication is essential to coordinate care and troubleshoot problems if a loved one’s needs become more complex.

❤︎ Respect their wishes. Medical decisions are complicated by emotions, family dynamics and uncertainty about prognosis. “Amid the chaos, it can be hard to remember that the proxy’s mission is to fulfill their loved one’s wishes,” Einhart says. “The responsibility is to honor their values and beliefs, even if you would choose differently for yourself.” —Paul Wynn