After Lisa Nielsen’s mother died in 2012, her widowed father, Bruce, started spending big: an infinity pool for his Las Vegas home, a backyard putting green, a car for a cocktail waitress. Bruce, 89, died in 2023, three months after marrying a woman younger than Lisa, who is 56. Lisa knew she was the sole beneficiary of his $69,000 IRA held at Wells Fargo. There was just one problem: The bank wouldn’t release it without an OK from Bruce’s widow. “Wells suggested I hire a lawyer,” Lisa told me. “But the law was 100 percent on my side.”

In general, when you name a beneficiary of your retirement account or life insurance policy, that dictates the recipient, not your will. The assets can be transferred without going through probate.

You can name anyone as your beneficiary, explains Theresa S. Gee, legal director for the Pension Rights Center. Let’s say, however, you’re married and want to make someone other than your spouse the beneficiary of your retirement account. If it’s covered by ERISA, a federal law governing employee benefit accounts, your spouse must sign a form consenting to another beneficiary. ERISA covers 401(k) and most nonprofits’ 403(b) retirement plans, not traditional or Roth IRAs. So, Lisa figured, she shouldn’t have to get the widow’s consent to get her $69,000.

But there was a complication. Because Nevada is one of nine community property states, any assets acquired while married are owned 50/50. If Bruce contributed to the IRA during his brief marriage, half of that new money (plus half of any returns on it) would belong to his wife, unless she signed a spousal waiver.

Lisa knew no money had been contributed. “My father’s IRA was accumulated prior to his marriage, which classifies it as separate property under community property laws,” she wrote in one of her letters to the bank. But Wells wouldn’t budge. “WFA policy to obtain spousal consent is born out of risk mitigation, more than a strictly legal requirement,” Wells Fargo Advisors responded. In other words, it was covering its you-know-what. Institutions commonly freeze accounts when disputes arise, says IRA expert Ed Slott: “They say, ‘Whatever the courts decide.’ ”(Wells Fargo said later that seeking spousal consent in a community property state “is for the purpose of protecting and preserving client assets and is consistent with industry standards and applicable state law.”)

Should Lisa have done anything differently? Not really, say Gee and Slott. But let me take the opportunity to give you some tips for minimizing your own beneficiary quagmires.

1 Name beneficiaries in the first place. Many people simply don’t. In that case, if you have a will, it takes precedence. If, like most older Americans, you don’t have a will, the state will decide who gets your money.

2 Update forms annually and upon major life events. Divorce is the biggie, Slott says. That can lead to an ex-spouse inheriting—often not the intent. To remedy this, more than two dozen states have passed “revocation upon divorce” laws nullifying exes’ status. If you do want your ex to get the money, sign another beneficiary form after your divorce is final.

3 Keep tabs on your financial institution. If it’s acquired or merges, redo, or at least check, your forms. Such deals have resulted in multiple beneficiary snags, Slott says.

Shortly after contacting me, Lisa told Wells Fargo she had taken her case to the media. Suddenly, the bank took action. Last December, eight months after Lisa first claimed the IRA, Wells Fargo released the funds. I’m not going to take credit for this victory. But Gee isn’t mincing words: “It seems it should have been a lot quicker to me.”